I'm guessing it's because I'm increasing my running miles again after not running a lot for a while now. So far this month I've run 110 miles. Consequently I have been STARVING the last 2 days. I mean like ready to gnaw my own arm off hungry.
So as I sat in my office today just wallowing in self-pity for being ravenously hungry after standing on the scale this morning and seeing that I am still 15 pounds overweight - I thought about a coworker that has it so fricking easy. She eats whatever she wants - and not healthy things either - and doesn't gain an ounce. I was silently swearing at her in my mind.
I began stewing in complete envy.
And then I wondered if there is anyone out there who thinks I have it easy. I wonder if there's anyone in my world that when I refuse the offer of donuts at a morning meeting thinks that it is easy for me to do it. Or hears that I ran on the treadmill and is jealous of my "dedication".
I wonder if this imaginary person would be surprised if they knew what a mental struggle it is. And I wonder if this person that I am so jealous of - is it really as easy for her as it looks?
The part of me that is a good person hopes that it is for their sake. But the nasty evil bitch inside me hopes that it isn't. That someone else experiences the struggle when to the outside world it looks so simple....
Since Sept. 2012, I've lost about 78 lbs. I'm now about a size 6. About 2 months ago I was in the dressing room of a store trying on pants. I stepped out to see myself in the larger mirror, and I saw a very slim, attractive woman who appeared to be a little bit older than me. She was trying on an outfit and I looked at her thinking how lovely and slim she was. Then I thought that she's probably been slim that way her whole life. As my shopping progressed, I needed a smaller pair of pants, so when the salesgirl brought them, I put them on and stepped out again. The same lady stepped out of her room also, and she said, "You are just gorgeous!! Those pants are fabulous on you because you have straight hips and no saddlebags like I have. I would love to have a lovely figure like you!!" I was SHOCKED!! She had no way of knowing that just 2 years before I was obese and couldn't have shopped in that store at all. That totally made my day because, for a change, I was being complimented for ME...not for the weight that I lost. I also realized that we all (mostly women) see others and want what they have, but we have no idea what their journey was to get there. You are inspiring others, so just keep doing you!! You are FABULOUS!! Just as you are!
ReplyDeleteLove love love this story!!! You must have been flying high! I also remember the first time I got a compliment like that - not from someone who knew about my weight loss but from a stranger who had no background on me. It was overwhelming in a fantastic way!!
DeleteJen