Friday, January 17, 2014

A conversation with myself...

Somewhere in the world there is a mythical creature who loves to exercise.  This creature - or I have actually heard that there is more then 1 - exercises because it loves exercising - not because it doesn't want to get fat again.  But that creature is not me!

A little background.  What a shitty day this was.  I woke up and got on the scale and ONCE AGAIN it showed me 120.3.  If you translate those numbers into letters, it spells "Fuck you, bitch!"  I think I actually heard the scale giggle a little.

Anyway, I get to work and first thing get a call that puts me in a MISERABLE mood.  It involves a war between 2 people - both who rank above me - and I'm being put in the middle and it's completely out of my control.  Because it is a no-win situation for me, I'm struggling with anger and anxiety over it.

Late morning comes and it is a run day.  And it's snowing.  Finally the snow stops, but I don't want to run.  In fact, I don't want to do anything.  I just want to sit here and feel sorry for myself, thank you very much.

BUT, I convince myself to change my clothes and head out the door.  Here's the conversation that takes place between Fat Jen (FJ) and Thin Jen (TJ) as we head out the door:

FJ:  We have run 27 miles so far this week and walked another 3.5!  Maybe we should only do 3 miles and bring the running to an even 30.
TJ: No, we need to run more then that - the scale was still up this morning!
(1/2 mile in)
FJ:  Wow it's a lot colder and more windy then we knew!  This kind of sucks.
TJ: Yeah, you're right, my face is burning already!
FJ:  Ok, so the 3 sounds good then, right?
TJ: How about 4?  We can do 4.
(1 mile in)
FJ:  The sidewalks are really slippery we almost fell in that spot!
TJ: Well, we're at our turnaround point, and will now be running down a street with very little traffic, so we can run on the side of the road instead of the sidewalks.  Actually it seems less windy here, we're in luck!
(2 miles in)
FJ:  Yay!  We're halfway done!  You said we only had to do 4, right?
TJ:  I guess, but 4 doesn't seem very much - that will only be about 320 calories burned.
FJ:  So how many do we have to do??!!  Our hips hurt from all those kettlebell swings you made us do the other night [We had done 10 sets of 25 using a 20 pound kettlebell]
TJ:  I'm thinking I could live with 5.
(3 miles in)
FJ: Ok, we're rounding the back of the building, if we stop now, we've still run 30 miles this week.
TJ:  No, we're doing fine - we don't need to stop.
(3.80 miles in)
FJ:  Instead of stopping at this red light near the front of the building, why don't you run around the block and then we'll be at 4 miles!  I'm pretty hungry.
TJ:  Let's just head down this road where there's no traffic [it's a walkway] and then we can take the left turn and quit at 5 when we get back around.
(4.25 miles in) 
FJ:  This is totally snow covered and slippery!  We're going to fall!  I told you we should have stopped!!
Wait....wait!  That's our turn!  You just ran by it.
TJ:  I can't do it.  I can't stop.
(5 miles in)
FJ:  We're getting tired and we're running straight into the wind again!  If we turn around now, it will only be 6 miles that we've run.
TJ:  Well, I think it will be more then 6 - if we're going to do that, we might as well do the 7 that we're "supposed" to do!  Hey, I have an idea!  You know that big package of chocolate truffles that someone gave you for Christmas?  Marc has eaten all but 1!  If we do the full 7 you can have that truffle!  It's 70 calories - that's about what we burn running a mile.  I'll let you eat that if you stick with me for the full 7.
FJ:  Do you promise we can eat that?
TJ:  Sure - it's Friday - we've had a shitty day.  We deserve a treat.  And that was a Xmas gift and we haven't eaten even 1!!
(6 miles in)
FJ:  Here comes that big hill that we HATE.  You're going to wish we only did 6.
TJ:  I know.
(6.68 miles in)
TJ:  Yay!  We get a rest at this red light and then it's just a short sprint mostly downhill - we did it - aren't you glad?
FJ:  Are you going to let us eat that truffle when we get home?
TJ:  [silence]

So there you go!  Another glimpse into my crazy addled mind.  The next time you think that exercising is easy for me and you wish you had that motivation, just remember - it's not always about motivation, it's about commitment.  Some days are easier then others.

Anyone care to make bets about whether the truffle gets eaten?


  1. Thank you for this post! I have very similar conversations with myself ALL. THE.TIME (and I'm only in the beginning of my journey!) Keep up the great posts - you have no idea how encouraging they are to read!

  2. My guess is that Marc had already eaten the truffle.