What goes up….

Must continue to go up and up and up, apparently.  Which is what is happening with the scale.  I seriously, seriously feel like just giving up right now.

After a week of eating extremely well and far below my TDEE the scale didn’t budge an inch.

And then I apparently felt that running a 10K early in the morning entitles me to eat and eat and eat the entire rest of the day.  So when I step on the scale this morning and it shows a weight GAIN?  I must be a moron to be surprised.

What goes up but then comes DOWN on the other hand, is my mood.

I’ve felt really good and was even not that depressed about coming in 2nd in my 10K yesterday. 

But then last night I felt myself starting to crash.  The cherry on top was my poor little bug-a-boo, Archer.

The hematoma has been healing really well – I’ve been faithfully milking out the port, and each day there has been less fluid and the fluid that comes out had changed from a dark red to a light pinkish color.

But last night I opened the port and a fucking river of pus just POURED out.  And I was trying to clean it out and Archer was just YELPING in pain.

I finally cleaned it out and he lay down and just SHOOK – either because he was running a fever or was in pain or both,

He hasn’t been acting like himself and when I opened the port this morning, another flood of bright green pus.

So I was worried and depressed all day.  I walked at lunch and just alternated between worry and berating myself for gaining weight and having absolutely no self-control.

Marc took Archer to the vet’s and fortunately, it’s not as bad as I thought – the ear infection is still pretty bad.  But the vet took samples and the massive goop coming out of his port is yeast and debris.  Not great news, but better then a severe infection!  So some meds, continue to clean the port and ear wash.

I truly, truly don’t know how to get back on track at this point and feel a little lost.  The cold rainy weather doesn’t help the cause as every fiber of my being SCREAMS “EAT CARBS NOW!”