Saturday, December 7, 2013

The truth is out there....

And I hope it doesn't catch up with me!!

Yeah, this is another post coming from crazy town.  My weight is remaining very stable between 117-119.  I continue to work out diligently.  I eat well most of the time.

Then why do I sometimes feel like a phony?

I was listening to the Podcast yesterday hoping that I didn't sound too much like a dufus.  And as I was listening to it, I was almost like - "Who the hell do you think you are?" to the ME on the podcast.  It was like I didn't have any right to tell my story.

I was thinking "If they only knew..."  And then it occurred to me - if they only knew WHAT?  I really did lose this weight through diet and exercise.  I really do work every day to make healthy choices.

I'm not sure why I sometimes feel like "the truth" is going to come out and everyone will discover that I've only been pretending - that this me is not the real me.  Maybe it's because I still feel like this life is a dream and it scares the SHIT out of me to think that I could wake up one day and be morbidly obese again and the last 3 years have just been a wonderful fantasy.
A person on the 3 Fat Chicks site mentioned that the guy who interviewed me never talked about the emotional aspect to losing weight.  It probably never occurred to him as someone who has never (I presume) been obese.  But you and I both know - the emotional part?  That's sometimes the hardest, most challenging aspect of this journey.
So, I say to myself - embrace this life - you've earned it.  Fat Jen lives inside you but she doesn't control you any  more.  And, you know, she's not so bad, either.... 

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