Tuesday, December 17, 2013

It's a conspiracy!!

How is everyone hanging in there?  The crunch of the holidays should really be hitting now and - if you did as much shopping online as I did - both your TO DO list and your mailbox should be overflowing!!

I've shared with you guys before how I have a bit of seasonal affective disorder.  It has been mostly under control this year, but everything is really starting to get to me.  I'm trying to hold off the blackness but it seems like everything is conspiring to drag me down.

I've been doing the best that I can on the treadmill, but a mile on there feels like about 10 compared to running outside.  There are those runners that MOCK those of us that choose to do the running on the treadmill in horrific weather conditions - they even imply that we are not "real" runners.  I woke up this morning and the air temperature was -11 with a "feels like" -23 degrees.  It was snowing steadily and the sidewalks are covered with a slick layer of hard packed snow.

I'm sorry if this makes me a wimp, but I'm just not going to force myself to run outside in those conditions.  Period.  I think it's somewhat crazy to do so.  But this puts me on the treadmill tonight where I'll feel almost as sorry for myself.

The snow and cold is combined with no sunlight.  It feels like forever since I've seen the sun.  I go to work and it's not dark but it's SOLID GREY.  I leave work and it's SOLID GREY.  

Between me using the treadmill myself and the conditions, I haven't been giving the dogs the time, attention, or exercise that they need.  That in turn leads to guilt.

The anxiety and sleeplessness returned with a VENGEANCE Sunday night.  I have not had that bad of a night's sleep for as long as I can remember.  Fortunately, either because I was exhausted or because the grip is loosening, I slept really well last night,  

I'm trying to keep my spirits up - being nice to people like I talked about yesterday is one way.  The shortest day of the year is this weekend, so then the days will start lengthening.  Xmas is looming for me to enjoy.  And we're expecting a break from the freezing cold temps on Friday.  So I'm stubbornly trying to force myself to hang in there and not let anything get me down.


1 comment:

  1. Jenn, I too suffer from SAD. The Holidays are quite a struggle for me. I purchased one of those lights that simulate sunlight. It helps. I turn it on in the morning while I am getting ready for work. It also might be a help to use it while you are running on the treadmill.