What the heck is going on with me? I am not in one of funks. That's not what is going on with me right now. It's something else that I can't control. I'm not even in a bad mood. It's this paralyzing anxiety that I've been dealing with.
I'm not sleeping well - which is totally abnormal for me. And I'm sitting here right now with this tightness in my chest and a feeling of PANIC for no reason at all!!
Today is a run day and when noon came it was snowing like crazy, it was 16 degrees and there was a strong run. So I decided it was a no brainer that I wouldn't run. But then a co-worker came in and we got discussing some of the cases from court this morning and by the time we were done I didn't feel like doing a workout DVD.
So I did a very bad thing. I went out and browsed a few stores. And as I shopped and saw others there shopping I realized - there are people out there that DON'T exercise during their lunch hour. There are people who shop or do other things during that time. And that thought - though stupidly obvious - caused me to pause.
I came back to work and felt GUILTY having lunch because I hadn't worked for it. It's not healthy. Every time I think I'm making strides in this area I have a huge setback. Although I think I can now trace it mostly to when it's something UNPLANNED. If I know I'm going to eat off plan or do something else "naughty" I can deal.
But rolling with it? I'm not good at that. I'm about to hit the treadmill and I will run and maybe that will 1) assuage my guilt and 2) work off some of this anxiety. I truly hope so.
If anyone has any words of wisdom to get my head screwed on right, please feel free to share them with me.