Sunday, December 8, 2013

Paranoia no more....

I started my "lazy Sunday" with a just over 15 mile run.  I cannot describe how much I hate the cold!  The one good thing was that there was no wind - which NEVER happens around here.  Actually the cold didn't bother me too much at all until about mile 8.  That's about an hour in, and that's when my hands start to FREEZE.  All other body parts were fine, but this seems to be consistent with my hands getting cold about an hour into a run when it's cold.

I wear these THICK Thinsulate gloves, but by the time I got home, I literally could not move my fingers.  That's not good.  So if anyone has any suggestions, please let me know!!

Afterwards, Marc and I took my mother to lunch for a belated birthday celebration.  We went to Ruby Tuesdays and I got the all you can eat salad bar and unleashed Fat Jen.  Trust me - she can do some damage, even on a SALAD bar LOL.

Even after I had lost a lot of weight, I used to be paranoid about people watching my plate or watching me eat when I was out in public.  I'm not sure if it was paranoia or reality in the past when I was fat, but I used to think that people were staring at my plate and evaluating what and how much I was eating.

Now I'm not.  I ran 15 fucking miles and I'll eat however much I want today.  And you know what the reality is?  I desperately wanted to try one of their Pretzel Burgers.  But I checked last night and one of those burgers has in the neighborhood of 1700 calories!!!!  Add in a soda and fries and extras like ketchup like most people were eating?  I probably didn't come near that despite all I ate in multiple trips!  And remember I've talked about spending your money - aka calories - wisely?  Lots and lots of calories in broccoli, sunflower seeds, and edamame beans is better for you then greasy fries and a burger!

But anyway, back to the paranoia.  Marc and I went to the mall yesterday and as we were walking in, there were two teenage girls behind us that were talking in hushed tones and giggling like crazy.  In the past, I would have felt ashamed and angry because I would have been SURE that they were laughing at the fat cow in front of them.  

I noticed yesterday that I didn't give a second thought to what they might have been giggling about - I wasn't worried that it was about me.  And if it was something about me?  I don't really care.   Not a pretend I don't care but a REAL not caring!

A lot of people thought that I was confident in myself even when I was fat.  I guess I was pretty good at portraying that.  Boy, if they only knew how horribly insecure I was.  This weight loss has had that wonderful side effect.  I don't think it is just because I am thinner now.  It's what I have accomplished with the weight loss - like running 15 miles this morning.  I still struggle with confidence in myself, but I'm getting there.

It's great guys - I hope if you haven't felt that confidence in yourself - I hope you feel that soon!!  And that is my hope for you NO MATTER WHAT THE NUMBER IS ON THE SCALE!!  



  1. Have you tried those hand warmer things? I can't remember what they're called. My husband works outside and using them when it gets really cold. They're a little pack that once you shake it they warm up for up to 8 hours. Throw them in y our mitts or gloves and they work awesome. You can get them for your shoes too.

  2. Yes, Jenn, they are called Hot Hands, Hand warmers. You can get them anywhere. I got myself some at Target. They work quite well and are fairly inexpensive. Also, you should be wearing mittens, not gloves.