Tears…

I woke up this morning to - you guessed it - GREY skies.  I felt - in the spirit of the season - like a zombie.  Standing on the scale, cleaning Archer's ear out, squeezing my huge ass into my skirt.

I had a productive morning at work, but late in the morning I found out that my mother's cat, Toes, made his trip to the Rainbow Bridge this morning.  Toes started his life as a fragile abandoned kitten.  But my mother and her boyfriend took him in and he spent the last 16 years as a adored member of the family.

16 great years is a wonderful life for a cat, but it is still tremendously sad to lose a loved one.  And out of nowhere I burst into tears.  The tears of sadness for my mother and her boyfriend - of course.  But also I think my worry about Archer, and my weight gain, and the GREY - they all came together in that moment.

I pulled myself together quickly, fortunately, and suddenly NEEDED to run.  I changed my clothes and looked out the window, and - like a beautifully wrapped gift - the clouds were breaking apart and bright, glorious sunshine appeared.

If you are a runner, you know that many times you can tell how the run will be right away.  From practically the first step I knew I was going to have a great run.  And I did.  My best run in what feels like - and may in fact be - MONTHS.

My pace was SLOW. But I didn't care.  I ran with no demands or expectations.  I ran because it felt great to run.

I thought about life and Toes and the future.  And then I thought about nothing.  At 3.5 miles in, my MP3 player picked "Kathy's Song" by Simon and Garfunkel.  Not a traditional running song, but I came to a hill just then and felt like I was gliding up it.

My Achilles and hamstring both hurt some.  But mentally?  What a sweet and unexpected relief.  When I got back and was in the bathroom changing, I felt tears in my eyes again - this time of happiness.

I hope that this is yet another new start - a time of healing.

And I hope Toes is greeting old friends at the Bridge....