Under pressure...

Accountability.  I've talked about this many times.  How important it is in this journey to be held accountable.

Which is why having someone who also is trying to eat right and exercise by your side can so help you stay on track.  As a matter of fact, tonight I got home and it was HOT and HUMID, so I really tried to let myself slack off.  And there was Archer STARING at me - so I took him on a 3.5 mile run.

It doesn't have to be a human who holds you accountable!  

I have developed a reputation.  I am apparently known as the one who works out at lunch and is a completely clean eater and I'm so dedicated.  It's funny because even though that is me to some extent, I know what goes on in my own head and how much I struggle.  So sometimes I feel like a phony.

But having people think that about me holds me accountable.  It's a double edged sword.

Like last week when I was headed out the door and a security guy said to me "Oh!  You're not running today?". What I heard was " You fat lazy pig, why aren't you running??". Or a couple of months ago when I had a piece of cake and someone said "Oh my god! You are eating cake??!!". And my twisted interpretation of that statement was that they were pointing out my lack of self control and why I've gotten so fat again!

There is a rational part of me that recognizes this is probably not how they meant it.  I think most people have some level of admiration for my choices.  And some days I am grateful to have people expect certain things from me - it does sometimes keep me from eating that donut in the morning meeting and knowing that people expect me to run sometimes gets my ass out the door.

And then there are the days when I wish there were no expectations... But believing the negative?  That's my own shit!!