Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Hand off the panic button, please....

For all the complaining I do about Fat Jen, I think I have come to the realization that Thin Jen can be pretty unreasonable, too

Yesterday my weight had slid down a little.  Not anywhere near where I wanted to see it, but enough to mostly squash the feeling of panic.  Tuesdays are a run day for me, but I am trying to be reasonable and give my body some time to heal.  So I walked during my lunch hour and the aching was still there.

But I felt horrible and guilty for taking it easy.  I wanted to run when I got home, but instead did the elliptical.  According to my heart rate monitor I burned 513 calories in the hour I was on it.  It's not as much as I burn running, but it's reasonably close.

Today I went to put on the skirt I was going to wear and was SURE it was going to be corset level tight, but it wasn't.  And then for my lunch hour workout, I did ab and core exercises.  As I stood in front of the full length mirror, I was POSITIVE I would see loads of fat dripping off the sides of my shorts.

I didn't see that but I scrutinized my stomach and I am convinced that there is less ab definition then a few months ago.  Those 5 extra pounds, you know.  And then I took a look at why I need/want ab definition.

I asked Thin Jen why I need my abs to pop out.  Am I a fitness model and it effects our job/income?  No.  Will Marc love me more or treat me better if I have a 4 pack?  No.  OK, so I look way better in work clothes with defined abs.  No, in work clothes I don't really think you can tell.  But I will look way better in a bikini, right?  Yes, probably.  How often do I strut myself around public in a bikini?  Rarely.  Is it important that strangers look at me and admire my abs?  A little, but not really in the grand scheme of life.

So what the fuck?  I am a 42 year old woman with a life that SHOULD be more then worrying all the time about a few pounds.  I can't imagine how I will react if these injuries don't abate and I can't run.  But I guess I would have no choice but to find alternatives and carry on.  Because I can carry on, right?

So this should not be an excuse to set Fat Jen free to run rampant.  But if only I can get it through Thin Jen's thick head that 5 pounds is not a disaster?  She's not listening today.  We'll see where she's at tomorrow....

No comments:

Post a Comment