On the weight loss site this week, someone re-posted from another site one of those - well, IMO - hokey general letters directed to the nameless "fat girl" at the gym. There's also another one of these open letter directed to the "fat girl" who has just started running circulating around the internet.
The letters are meant to be motivational - to encourage someone embarassed and new to exercising to keep it up and assuring them that there is only admiration out there, and that no one is judging them.
Wonderful, right? Except it's a lie. There are many people who see a fat person running - usually slowly, red faced and sweating - down a street and truly in their hearts have nothing but admiration for that person. But you and I both know that there are a whole lot of others who are laughing their heads off at the "fat ass" running down the street and making remarks to their friends. And if the fat runner is lucky, they'll never know that. If they are unlucky, well, they'll hear something yelled from a passing car.
It would be wonderful if the world was full only of supportive, kind and empatheic people. They are out there. I have met them.
But there are also mean, spiteful and judgemental assholes out there. Ones that take their personal misery and arrogance out on others. Ones that stick their noses into other people's business and make assumptions and judgements. I have met them, too.
Remember that guy who wrote a letter to that on-air reporter out of nowhere telling her that she shouldn't be on the air because she was obese and a terrible example to young girls? I mean - what the fuck? What made him think that he was in any position to make those judgements? Or that it was any of his business? And then when he was interviewed he said that he was just concerned and wanted to help her. Yeah, right.
I know that people made assumptions about me when I was fat. Namely that I was fat because I was weak-willed and lazy. There may have been some truth to that except - I am the SAME person now then I was then. I am not a better person. I just have made different choices.
So, if you are afraid to run outside or go to the gym because there will be people who judge you or laugh at you - well, they are out there. But there are also people that DO admire what you are doing and you have to remember that, as well. You have to get to the point where you realize that you cannot control them, only yourself. Remember that there are people who love you and support you - even some that don't know you - as I have found out this week.
And if you are one of those fucktards who feel the need judge others and stick your nose in and give your opinion about everything, just remember - when you point your finger at someone else, 3 point back at you.
Would you comment on how you feel about encouragement from strangers? When you were beginning, and out there slow and sweating, how did you feel if someone said "good job" or gave you a thumbs up? Does it come across as sincere, or condescending?
ReplyDeleteI asked this on a running forum, in a thread where it was relevant, and got a bit flamed. I was told it was very condescending, one person said "monumentally douchy." Really? I was just trying to be supportive, because I admire anyone of any ability who is out there and not on the couch.
Since, I stick to a cheery "good morning" because I really don't want to offend.
Wow - I'm shocked someone said that! When I first started, this nurse who I ran by all the time on her walk would give me a simple thumbs up and I looked forward to it every day! Any time someone said "keep it up" or "you got this girl!" - it made me even more determined to keep going.
DeleteSo I saw it as incredibly encouraging! I say keep it up!!
Jen
The worst, to me, are the people who fall right in between the two extremes. There are SO many people who look on with pity, and give some sort of nice comment just because they believe it is the right thing to do. I just want to tell them that I don't want heir sympathy, advice, or, honestly, their encouragement unless it is coming from a very sincere place. We fat people have a really good B.S. meter! (I wonder, Jen, did you lose your highly sensitive b.s meter when you lose weight, or is it still intact? It's something I've always wondered about.)
ReplyDeleteMy B.S. meter is still intact, but I don't "listen" to it as much any more - simply because I am less sensitive and more likely to not give a flying fuckaroni what anyone thinks about me!!
DeleteI also am more likely to ASSUME the motives are sincere - when I was fat, I always assumed I was being mocked.
Make sense or no?
Jen