Sunday, February 9, 2014

Flashing back to 2010.

Did you guys know that I have a TERRIBLE memory?  Marc gets so mad at me because he will mention something like a tv show or something that we have done or that he has told me, and I have absolutely NO RECOLLECTION of it!

But there are some things that I can remember with completely clarity - some pleasant and some not so pleasant.  I can remember the first time Marc said that he loved me.  I can remember my father's death - the events of that day - as if it happened yesterday.  I remember the day we went to get Archer from the breeder's house.

Anyway, I can't remember the exact date, but I remember an event from this week in 2010.  I was working that day and  Somewhat headachy and just not right.  I worked through the morning and went shopping at Target on my lunch hour.  I had lunch at their cafe there.  I had a yogurt parfait and a soft pretzel and Mountain Dew.

I got back to work and started feeling worse, but I was trying to power through.  I was using an old pair of scissors to open a box of drug tests that had come in and the scissors broke.  I threw my head back and it was if someone had hit me with a baseball bat.  Not in terms of pain, but suddenly I felt completely dizzy and disoriented.  I started to fall off my chair.  I gripped the front of my desk and my head was just spinning and I couldn't see straight and I started to panic.

I managed - somehow - to pull up the instant messenger program we have and I saw that my co-worker Mary was online.  I typed that I needed help and could she come to my office immediately.  

I then slid off my chair and landed on the floor.  The next period of time swims in front of me.  I remember Mary running in and then some other co-workers and security.  Then the ambulance personnel arrived and asked me all kinds of standard questions.  I mumbled answers.

I remember them loading me on to the stretcher and even in my fog I remember being afraid that they wouldn't be able to lift me.  But we began moving.  I *ALMOST* made it out of the building before I began projectile vomiting.  And I mean PROJECTILE.  It's pretty fascinating how the body tries to protect itself.  I remember the outfit I was wearing.  It was a burnt orange suit.  I love this outfit I was thinking as I deposited copious amounts of puke on it.

So we get to the hospital and there are tests and questions - Marc arrived as did my mother - my brother works in the building next to mine and had been notified.  I felt scared and I heard a doctor mention "stroke" but that I was too young, but given my weight....

After the tests were concluded, it turned out I had Labyrinthitis - an inner ear thing.  I'd had it before, but this was the worse ever.  So turns out it was nothing whatsoever to do with my weight.  But then the doctor let me know that they had found a mass in my brain during the CT scan.  Probably it was nothing, but I should follow up with my primary care doc.
I did follow up.  I don't tend to be too histrionic about my health, but when someone says MASS and BRAIN, it's scary.  So I went to the doctor's that day.  I can remember standing on the scale - which has always been a HUMILIATING experience.  And it's one of those old scales, where the nurse has to slide the weight thing over.  She started at 250 and moved it all the way up.  Then she had to CLUNK - move it up one to 300.  She drove the smaller weight thing all the way to the end and it hovered.  She kicked it back - little by little - and then said - in a voice I knew she was trying to make sound completely neutral.  344.
344 POUNDS.  At that weight, I weighed more then most professional football linebackers I remember thinking.
As you know if you have followed my story at all, after everything was said and done, the mass turned out to be nothing.  At that time - February of 2010 - I had made a few changes already.  SMALL changes.
So I can't say that any of the events of that week played a huge part in my journey.  But when you've had a health scare, even though it was not obesity related - it makes you evaluate your life.  So despite the fear and sickness and several days of miserable recuperation, I think I need to be happy it happened.  Because I believe that those events play some role in me sitting here today.  Happy and healthy.    

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