Wednesday, November 6, 2013

A step back and a look forward...

Everything is a matter of perspective, isn't it?  Sometimes I think we have to take a huge step back to appreciate where we are today.  We get so caught up in how far we have to go, or things that are not right, that we forget to look at what we do have or what we have done.

This hit home for me this weekend.  I was organizing some of my pictures and found this one of Chakotay and I from November of 2009 when he was just a pup and, although I didn't know it yet, I was 3 months away from starting down a path that would lead me to where I am today.

Upon seeing this picture I called Chakotay over to me and had Marc take the comparison picture - almost exactly 4 years later.

I post these pictures not in seeking compliments, but to show how much can change in 4 short years.  

When I look at these photos I think of the problems 2009 Jen had versus the problems that 2013 Jen has.  I think about what I was worried about then and what I am worried about now.  

And then I asked myself if I am afraid that I will gain back the weight and be that person from 2009 again.  And I realized this - the answer is NO.  This might sound cocky, but I can't imagine that I would ever let myself get there again.  I have learned too much.  I have struggled and fought and have arrived where I have today with a lot of blood, sweat and tears, quite literally, and I can't imagine letting this life go - not for anything.

So when I step on the scale and it reads higher then I'd like, I need to remember this pic of me in 2009.  NOT to punish myself, but to remind myself how much that I have accomplished.  Even if I gain back 10 pounds - which I wouldn't want to happen, but - I would still be SOOOOO far ahead of where I was in 2009.  

So where do you stand?  Do you realize how big of a deal it is if you have lost 20, 40, 80 pounds?  Or do you kick yourself when you haven't reached a weight goal in the timetable you wanted to?  Do you think how only of how far you have to go?  

I know a lot of people keep a picture of themselves at a high weight in order to remind themselves to never go back there.  But I prefer to think of it in a different way - how about using that picture to remind yourself of how much you have accomplished?  And if you can get that far, you can keep going!!  It ain't easy, but as a strong and capable person, you've got this!   

I need to remember that myself - I am wayyyyyy too skilled at hating myself.  I want to accept and love myself.  That is still not here, but lately I am closer than I can ever remember being in that quest.  And just thinking about this, my friends, has made me start to cry...

Today I am grateful for whatever has caused me a sense of serenity and peace with my life and my world.  


  1. I cried at your post it hits home....
    Also will have surgry on Dec. 17.Hoping it will help. Hard part for me NO exercise at all for 6 weeks!!!

    1. I will be thinking about you! 6 weeks is a SMALL price to pay if this surgery fixes the problem, right??!!


  2. Yes but am fearful I might be worse off trying not to let negative in!