So I had pretty much steeled myself to fall back into one of depressed/black moods after yesterday's doctor's appointment. I didn't sleep that well last night and was restless and found it hard to focus this morning. I kept having debates in my head - from the histroinic "THIS IS SO HORRIBLE" voice to the "Stop it! It's not that bad!" more reasonable voice.
Late this morning I thought of something I tell clients ALL THE TIME when they are on their recovery journey. I say to them "All you can do is what you can do..." And that is true for this situation, right?
I have the power to give up or keep at it. I have the power to exercise. I have the power to eat right. I have the power to keep my weight at a reasonable level. I do not have the power to change my genetics. I do not have the power to go back in time and be fit and healthy my whole life. It's pretty basic when you think of it that way.
Whining, crying, feeling sorry for myself, getting angry. Those are all valid feelings for me to have, I think. But they won't change anything. Saying that I don't deserve any adversity in my life doesn't remove it.
So at lunch I threw on my running clothes and headed out the door. And while I was running I felt almost....serene. An acceptance and peace just came over me.
Now in 6 months if my levels are still high and the doctor insists I take meds? Well, I can't promise that I will accept it. And I certainly can't promise I'll be serene!
BUT, just for today, I'm going to choose optimism. I'm going to choose not to give up. All I can do is what I can do.