Say CHEESE!

Since fall is here in force I decided it was time to update my avatar on places like Facebook.  So I had Marc take a pic of me before I left for work this morning:

 

And I think I'm making progress because I didn't completely hate how I looked.  Now don't get me wrong - my first reaction was that I NOT attractive.  And then I lamented the gross extra skin on my thighs.  And I wished I had bigger boobs and wasn't so SQUARE.

But after a quick review of what I hated, I decided the picture wasn't TERRIBLE.  When I see pictures like this I wish that I could step outside myself and see what I look like from other people's eyes - do they see the imperfections that I do?  Probably not.  I mean I don't go around analyzing other people to the minute detail.  And I personally tend to look for attractive things about them - like great hair or eyes.

In all my drama about the cholesterol, I didn't mention that the doc and I also talked about my weight.  He asked if I was still trying to lose weight.  I told him I was trying to maintain between 115-119 but that my body really seems to like a range of 118-122.  He asked me why I felt that I needed to be in "the teens" and being in the 120's "perfectly fine".  He also told me what I already knew - that you can't use BMI to determine a healthy weight on someone who is "as muscular as you", because a BMI calculator "can't account for muscle mass".

So today Marc and I went for a walk and I decided that I don't want to let the scale define ME any more.  That's the decision I made today - you and I both know it won't last, though, right?  Because I've made those promises to myself before. 

And then today I read posts on the weight loss site I'm on from women - smart, attractive, skilled, women who HATE themselves for weighing 5 pounds above their "red line".  I don't want to be that person any more.  It wasn't fair that many others defined me as a "lazy slob" when I was fat - because I was SO MUCH MORE then that.  And it's not fair for me to define myself as a "fat pig" because I weigh 125 instead of 117, right?  

 P.S.  For the fellow cheapskates out there - I got the skirt I am wearing in the pic from a garage sale.  It looks like it was never worn.  It was 50 cents!!!!  SCORE!!!!