Wednesday, October 9, 2013


Since fall is here in force I decided it was time to update my avatar on places like Facebook.  So I had Marc take a pic of me before I left for work this morning:

And I think I'm making progress because I didn't completely hate how I looked.  Now don't get me wrong - my first reaction was that I NOT attractive.  And then I lamented the gross extra skin on my thighs.  And I wished I had bigger boobs and wasn't so SQUARE.

But after a quick review of what I hated, I decided the picture wasn't TERRIBLEWhen I see pictures like this I wish that I could step outside myself and see what I look like from other people's eyes - do they see the imperfections that I do?  Probably not.  I mean I don't go around analyzing other people to the minute detail.  And I personally tend to look for attractive things about them - like great hair or eyes.

In all my drama about the cholesterol, I didn't mention that the doc and I also talked about my weight.  He asked if I was still trying to lose weight.  I told him I was trying to maintain between 115-119 but that my body really seems to like a range of 118-122.  He asked me why I felt that I needed to be in "the teens" and being in the 120's "perfectly fine".  He also told me what I already knew - that you can't use BMI to determine a healthy weight on someone who is "as muscular as you", because a BMI calculator "can't account for muscle mass".

So today Marc and I went for a walk and I decided that I don't want to let the scale define ME any more.  That's the decision I made today - you and I both know it won't last, though, right?  Because I've made those promises to myself before. 

And then today I read posts on the weight loss site I'm on from women - smart, attractive, skilled, women who HATE themselves for weighing 5 pounds above their "red line".  I don't want to be that person any more.  It wasn't fair that many others defined me as a "lazy slob" when I was fat - because I was SO MUCH MORE then that.  And it's not fair for me to define myself as a "fat pig" because I weigh 125 instead of 117, right?  

 P.S.  For the fellow cheapskates out there - I got the skirt I am wearing in the pic from a garage sale.  It looks like it was never worn.  It was 50 cents!!!!  SCORE!!!!


  1. To my fellow Stephen King Fan: You look totally amazing in the new picture and no, I don't see those "flaws" that you pointed out. I see a strong, confidant, lovely woman. We are our own worst critics. Try not to stress so much! Actually, as you may already know, stress can raise your stay chilly!!

    1. You are too sweet! I'm actually feeling pretty content right now - stay tuned for another meltdown though LOL