A kick straight in the face...

I didn't share this with you guys because it was just so upsetting and with everything else going on with my meltdown....

So right before Marc and I went to PA, I got my blood drawn again to have my cholesterol levels re-checked.  I was CERTAIN that they had to have come down.  I was oh so wrong.  I received the call while Marc and I were out hiking and the news almost ruined the vacation for me.  

While my high cholesterol went UP - a good thing - my overall cholesterol and my LDL or bad cholesterol were still too high.  The doctor said that I needed to come in and we would talk medication.

I was instantly resistant.  I did a bunch of reading and researched cholesterol.  Because my ratios are really good I thought that there is no way most docs would recommend medication.  But I made an appointment for a second opinion.  I was POSITIVE another doctor would agree with my decision. 

I went to the other doctor today.  First off, I really liked him and trusted him IMMEDIATELY.  He is of middle eastern descent, and was really caring and kind and spent a LOT of time talking to me and processing several issues.

Basically he said that since I am over 40 - with my family history the LDL is really concerning to him.  He said that yes, medication is indeed in order.  I almost started crying.  Do you know how many mother fucking side effect those statin drugs have?   

Because of my resistance to taking those drugs AND because my ratio levels are so good, he said that we can give it 6 months.  I am going to take Red Yeast Rice  a natural supplement.  He said that he has seen this really work for some people and hopefully it will for me.  

I asked him if there was anything else I could and should do.  He smiled and said that I am doing absolutely everything that I can do, and that, basically, my genes just suck ass.  He didn't use those words of course, but that was the gist of it.

Driving home I went through a lot of emotions.  From the total and complete FUCKIT FUCKIT FUCKIT - I've done all this for NOTHING!!! Then I was actually ANGRY at my dead father and grandfather.  Stupid, right?

I feel so horrible right now - just as I was starting to get back on my feet.  I want to scream that it's not fair.  I realize that in terms of bad health news - this is not the end of the world - not by a long shot.  But to do everything right and still get kicked in the teeth........?