Thursday, March 6, 2014

I give up - you win....

Dear Mother Nature,

I give up.  You win.  I've tried so hard to hold on to a positive mental attitude despite this incredibly shitty cold miserable winter.

I have run hundreds of miles on the treadmill in my dark basement.

I have trudged through snow and ice and felt like I was going to break in half due to the cold just walking from my car into my office.

I have maintained my weight loss despite craving carbs so badly - and giving in at times.  

I have organized and re-organized my house and my office at work.  I have cleaned and then cleaned some more.  

I have tried to keep 2 very active dogs entertained and active despite not being able to be outside for more than 5 minutes without shaking so uncontrollably that I had to run in the house and sit in front of a heater for 2 hours to feel remotely normal.

I have done countless hours of yoga and tried to get my mind settled and fend off anxiety and depression.

I have tried to laugh with others about the misery and have told myself countless times how lucky I am and that there is nothing that we can do about the weather.  I have believed  that spring sun and warm temps would arrive.  I signed up for my first race of the year.

But then today I woke up and it was -13 MOTHER FUCKING DEGREES outside.  

It happened.  You broke me.  I got in the shower and - out of nowhere - burst into tears.  I put my head against the cold ceramic tile and just let the tears flow.  I am defeated.  I am helpless.  I am slipping into an abyss within my own head.

I found myself today thinking that I don't give a shit.  I don't want to eat right.  I don't care if I gain all the fucking weight back.  I don't care if I look good in shorts or a bathing suit, because the reality is that it's never going to warm up, so I won't be wearing these items EVER AGAIN.

You have won the battle.  I will go home and sit on my ass under a warm blanket and stare mindlessly at the television while stuffing myself silly with as much bad food as I can find.   I. GIVE. UP.   I am normally a fighter but I have fought and fought and have broken.



  1. Take a sunny vacation to Vegas it's cheap and you could do it just for a weekend it would do you wonders! You could go run at Red Rocks it's gorgeous,hotels are cheap you can eat right at the buffets ( cheap) and car rentals and hotels are cheap right now! You don ' t have to drink or gamble we don't do either.

  2. You have handled the shit show that has been this winter with such enthusiasm and grace. Please don't throw in the towel now, so close to the end. Soooooo clooooose. It HAS to be.

  3. Ah Gayle - I want to travel to Vegas SO BAD! But the cost of 2 cross country plane tickets plus getting someone to take care of the dogs, cats and chickens? Not in our near future! We want to go to the Star Trek Experience!!!