I give up - you win....

Dear Mother Nature,

I give up.  You win.  I've tried so hard to hold on to a positive mental attitude despite this incredibly shitty cold miserable winter.

I have run hundreds of miles on the treadmill in my dark basement.

I have trudged through snow and ice and felt like I was going to break in half due to the cold just walking from my car into my office.

I have maintained my weight loss despite craving carbs so badly - and giving in at times.  

I have organized and re-organized my house and my office at work.  I have cleaned and then cleaned some more.  

I have tried to keep 2 very active dogs entertained and active despite not being able to be outside for more than 5 minutes without shaking so uncontrollably that I had to run in the house and sit in front of a heater for 2 hours to feel remotely normal.

I have done countless hours of yoga and tried to get my mind settled and fend off anxiety and depression.

I have tried to laugh with others about the misery and have told myself countless times how lucky I am and that there is nothing that we can do about the weather.  I have believed  that spring sun and warm temps would arrive.  I signed up for my first race of the year.

But then today I woke up and it was -13 MOTHER FUCKING DEGREES outside.  

It happened.  You broke me.  I got in the shower and - out of nowhere - burst into tears.  I put my head against the cold ceramic tile and just let the tears flow.  I am defeated.  I am helpless.  I am slipping into an abyss within my own head.

I found myself today thinking that I don't give a shit.  I don't want to eat right.  I don't care if I gain all the fucking weight back.  I don't care if I look good in shorts or a bathing suit, because the reality is that it's never going to warm up, so I won't be wearing these items EVER AGAIN.

You have won the battle.  I will go home and sit on my ass under a warm blanket and stare mindlessly at the television while stuffing myself silly with as much bad food as I can find.   I. GIVE. UP.   I am normally a fighter but I have fought and fought and have broken.