Friday, December 21, 2012

It's (NOT) the end of the world as we know it!

Surprise, surprise, it's December 21 and the world has not ended.  Good thing.  I commented the other day that if I knew for sure the world would end I would have been stuffing my face with brownies!  Who cares if I go into the afterlife a little chunked up, right?

I received a couple of packages in the mail last night.  The first contained a gift that had been backordered.  So as soon as I got home, I wrapped that up and did a mini celebration that all my Xmas shopping - with the exception of food - is done and wrapped.  So no last minute worrying and rushing for me!!

The second package contained a dress I bought from Target.  It was a really pretty cowl necked sweater dress that they had on clearance.  I put it on and it just HUNG loosely on me.  I looked at the tag and confirmed it was an XS.  I think Target tends to run a little big, but still - an XS being to big for me??

I then got on the scale this morning and it was 117.2.  "Perfect" I thought!  I then mentally gave myself permission to spend now through Xmas eating pretty much what I want and not worrying about calories or gaining weight or anything.  So at work, I discovered that a local lawyer's office had sent us a box of chocolates.  Normally, this wouldn't tempt me, but they were the really good chocolates - and I spotted that there was almonds covered in dark chocolate.  I ate 6 of them and then spent the rest of the morning mentally wrecked with guilt and shame.

It is so frustrating!  Every time I think that I've made progress I have moments like this.  I so hope that this is a temporary mental battle and that SOME DAY I will just be able to relax and enjoy holidays and special occasions without the mental struggle and debate.  I don't think that I should feel guilty - I believe I have earned some indulgence.  Intellectually I believe that, but emotionally I don't!

Marc gets very frustrated with me when I have these feelings - well trust me, I get frustrated with me, too!

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