Monday, July 21, 2014

Race reflections…

Some interesting events at yesterday's race.  I garnered a lot of attention and comments about my tutu.

The best one came from a little girl who walked by me and I heard her say to her mother "Why don't I have a tutu to run in??!!" Pretty funny!

After the race 2 people who I didn't know asked if they could have their pics taken with me.  I'm guessing it was the tutu - maybe along with coming in first.  But it was a bit weird for me.

I also saw the trophy with years and years worth of winners of this race engraved on it - my name is there now (currently spelled wrong - supposedly will be getting fixed).  And it will be there again for this year's race.  I should be proud of this, right?


A few people came up and chatted with me and talked about others races where they had seen me.  Since I am so utterly non-observant I didn't recognize most of them.  There were compliments about my speed and fitness.

The interesting thing is that no one - from the ones who wanted a pic with me to the other runners - they don't know my "story".  They see me at face value so to speak.

As I reflected last night I wondered what their reaction would be if they knew how crappy I felt during the race.  How I feel so fat and my self-doubt.  How - even with coming in first - I am disappointed in my performance.  I'm guessing they would be surprised.

I put on a good mask.

BUT - I woke up this morning feeling a little more peaceful.  And even though Monday is not a run day, I decided to run at lunch.  Slowly.  Without expectations or judgments on myself.  And I felt good.  I won't blow smoke up your asses and tell you that I felt wonderful, with no pain and that fairies flew out of my ass and 5 pounds fell off me.  No, not quite.

And I am back to avoiding the scale for a few days.  Why ruin hope with a cold hard dose of reality, right?


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