Goodbye July!!

I bid goodbye to July in a weird place.  You know, in June 2010, having lost around 30 pounds and still weighing over 300 at that time, I don’t think I ever could have imagined the paths that this journey would take me! 

But yet, here I am. 

After a week that was somewhat tumultuous something happened today.  I was walking on my lunch hour and as I made my way through a fairly populated section, a clearly mentally handicapped man moved intentionally to block my path.

“Hi!!” he said and I responded and went to continue my walk. “You look really good in that dress!!” he said with a smile.  “Thanks!” I said and kept it moving chuckling to myself.

When I got home, I decided to take the dogs on another walk.  I started thinking about where I am in my life and what my goals are.

Since I feel like I am failing, a reasonable question seemed to be - what ARE my goals?

Well, I’d like to run pain free.  To do that, I think I have to cut down on my running and give my Achilles a rest.  And I have been decreasing my running.  So that makes me a failure, right?

Ok, my goal is to live a healthy and happy life and not die an early death like my dad.  According to my last check up, I’m doing what I can to stay in good health and my numbers are good.  So I’m not failing there.

Ok, so I hate the way my body looks.  Well, no.  I mean, there’s definitely things that I would change.  Would I love to have a beautifully toned body with a 6 pack?  Not only is that really hard for women to achieve, I’m 42 years old.  And how would my life change dramatically for the better if I had that body?

It wouldn’t improve my career.  It wouldn’t make me rich.  It wouldn’t get Marc to love me more. 

So is that how I’m failing?

I have decided that the “right” number for me to weight is 116-119.  And today I weighed in at 125.3. 

OH!! So THAT’S where I’m failing!!

So apparently my goal is to make sure I am defined by a NUMBER and if I’m not that number I am an utter loser.

Makes total sense, right?