Tuesday, July 29, 2014

2 years – sorta…

It was 2 years ago today when I hit my goal weight of 119.  And last year I was flying high on life with a lovely 117.

Oh how times have changed.  I resolutely got on the scale this morning and watched as the numbers popped up with a sense of numb helplessness.

125.8.  That puts me 6 pounds heavier then goal and over 8 pounds heavier then where I was last year.  So my failure to be a maintainer is official.

I feel like I've let down everyone - from myself, to family, to everyone who reads this blog.

I've vacillated today between THIS IS THE END to this is not that big of a deal to everything in between.  Which is right?  I don't know.

I'm trying to put things in perspective.  I need to get back on track and drop a few pounds, PERIOD.  On the other hand - my clothes still fit, my BMI is well within healthy range, I have still come tremendously far and for fuck's sake I even won a 10k a week ago - beating women 15 years younger then me.



  1. you've still lost and INCREDIBLE amount of weight!!! I struggle with the same feelings but I seem to yoyo those 5 pounds (135-140ish). I keep having to remind myself that as long as I keep trying, I am being successful. You are not a failure!!! None of the people you think you let down feel that way, they are proud of you and your success in your weight loss journey :D HUGS

  2. You are beyond kind! I sometimes feel like giving up - like it is my destiny to be fat - but I fight against this thinking!! Jen

  3. It is dumbfounding that you could consider yourself a failure to maintain. You are such a total badass, and like you said, your clothes still fit! Onward! You totally got this! You are an incredible inspiration. <3

  4. Everything you say in the last paragraph -Yes! Yes! Yes!

  5. I understand your pain and with my gain having same feelings,people look at me and want to be me BUT I want where I was last year comfortable at that weight...alas I two am having a hard time with getting the mindset.
    It was work staying at it But so much MORE work feeling like this about myself.
    No one here thinks you are anything but a rockstar and you are also human like us