Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Changing my mind?

I am trying really hard to change my focus but I’m having tremendous difficulty. When I look at my life as it stands right now, I have a lot to be happy about.

If I step back for a second and look at my choices that I make daily, I’m doing pretty damn good! I eat really well 90% of the time. Marc and I eat virtually no processed foods. We eat a ton of veggies on a daily basis. I rarely “cheat” as far as eating foods that aren’t good for me. My problem is that I eat TOO MUCH as far as quantity goes. And even eating healthy foods - if you eat too much you gain weight!

I am coming up on needing to make my annual MD appointment. So we’ll have to see what my cholesterol level is this time. But I know my blood pressure is good. I have a resting heart rate of 47. I am exercising regularly and have good muscle tone.

My running is not back where I’d like it, but my Achilles is much better and I ran 6.3 miles today at around a 9 minute mile.

Health wise I’m in pretty good shape - not perfect, but pretty good - especially considering where I started!!

And yet? All I can think about is how fat I look. How much weight I have put on from my lowest. How several pieces of clothing don’t fit. How if I lost weight I might run faster.

It seems like more and more research talks about how we - as a culture - need to be obsessed with being healthy instead of an arbitrary “ideal” weight. If I could change my focus to this, I would undoubtedly be mentally more stable and much happier with myself. Because if my standard was my health instead of my weight, I think I’d actually be pretty proud of myself!

But instead I am pathologically obsessed with how much I weigh and how I look. Which really means FUCKING NOTHING.

From the slogan “Strong is the new skinny” and organizations like Weight Watchers emphasizing a holistic approach to getting healthy (which MIGHT mean losing some weight) it seems like people are starting to “get it”.

So why can’t I get it through my thick skull????



  1. Reading your posts is like you are in my head lol

  2. I too have so many of these feelings about my goals needing to be different and not weight or clothes. I too have gained plenty from my lowest and due to various health and physical problems my exercise has gotten to near none!
    I am currently trying to get my groove on. I am doing the 21 day's not brain surgrey. One thing I like is to get portion control in Control. I pretty much love everything that's good for me ....just eat too much of it. As far as exercise seems fairly solid,I like 30 min workouts and they work ya fairly hard and you can push your self. It's 7 days a week each day something different. For me it's getting the groove of following a routine.
    Hope you are doing well.