Thursday, April 16, 2015

You can’t handle the truth!!


Some perspective here – on Monday it was unseasonably warm here.  That made it 105 degrees warmer than it was exactly 8 weeks ago that day.  Yes I said 105 degrees warmer.

Isn’t that insane??

I have been avoiding the scale like the PLAGUE.  I see Marc weigh in on it in the mornings and I want to run away from the thing like it is a gigantic spider.

I have not weighed myself since I had to at the MD appointment on 4/1 and the news was so bad I seriously just wanted to curl up in a fucking corner and cry.

But I was also in the midst at that time of feeling hopeless, powerless, scared and even like just jumping off a bridge.  I believed I would never get warm and/or see the sunlight again.  If you’ve never felt that feeling of just unreasonable desperation then I envy you!

But this week, I’ve been turning it around.  I’ve been running.  32 miles so far this week!  Today I ran in a TANK TOP – and I wasn’t cold!  I’ve lifted weights.  I’ve stood and just STARED like a freak at the sun.  I’ve hung out with the dogs outside and thrown a tennis ball for them.

I’ve felt hope!

So I really don’t have an excuse to not face the reality of the scale.  The number will undoubtedly horrify me.  But I don’t know that it will send me into despair like it would have a few short weeks ago.

And yet?  I don’t want to do it.  It’s ridiculous.  I want to continue to be in denial.  It’s pathetic.  So do I step on tomorrow or give myself the weekend and face it on Monday?


  1. Jen, I'm speaking to the choir here when I say you are giving too much power to the scale. I absolutely understand where you're coming from, because I tend to do the same thing. We have to see the number on the scale as a tool and nothing more. It's a tool to give us a gauge of where we are and a measurement of where we want to be. It is neither God nor the Devil!! Just a freakin' tool!! LOL! I personally weigh every day for 2 reasons. First, it keeps me accountable for small up-swings that I might not catch before they turn into big up-swings. Second, it makes weighing a brushing my teeth. Weighing every day takes the bite out of the experience and renders it powerless. Now this doesn't work for everyone, but each person has to find their own way of letting go of the emotional tie to the scale. I am rooting for you 100%!!! You've got this!

    1. I do recognize and agree that the number currently just rents space in my head. It's a concrete FAIL in my mind. I do have to get back to daily weighing for accountability and to make it routine...