Saturday, April 11, 2015

What if that IS me?

On Friday we had a huge windstorm.  I have a lot of trouble running when it's windy, but it was also beautifully warm.  Staying inside was not an option, so I went out and walked through my lunch hour.

When I got back to work, I was greeted by a casual acquataince who told me that "they" had just been talking about me and that one of the group thought that he could beat me in a race but that he "Would put my money on you!!!".  This was - according to him - because I am " awesome".  The group that was talking apparently think that I'm pretty amazing and they wish they had half my motivation.  

I laughed it off and downplayed it - making some joke as well about placing bets and a pay-per-view event.  First off, I am so clueless that people actually notice that I run continues to surprise me.  Secondly, it wouldn't shock me at all to know that people talk about me behind my back in a BAD way but people saying GOOD things???  Does that actually happen?

As I walked away from the group I thought to myself that I have them all fooled.  They think that I'm this fantastic runner and that I have this strong will when I am actually a train wreck.  

I then reflected on this - what if I'm BOTH?  Does struggling with my weight negate the progress I have made?  Because there are days that it takes everything I have to get out the door - does that mean that I'm not a real runner?

If people knew that it is hard for me at times would they think less of me?  Respect me less?  I do that to me but would others?

And I think of people that I admire - if I knew that it wasn't easy for them would it make me dismiss them?  I sure hope not.

Maybe it's not black and white.  Maybe I am both a superstar and an absolute mess at the same time!  I have been incredibly resistant to that thinking.  I have insisted I have to be perfect or worthless.  One or the other.

But wouldn't it be something if I accepted and embraced both my advantages and my weaknesses??  Nah - that might rip a hole in the space time continuum!

1 comment:

  1. Best. Post. Ever. Hit home big time, and you said it so well. I bet sooooooo many people can relate...!!