Monday, April 21, 2014

Will the real Jennifer please stand up?

Who is the "real" Jennifer?  Is she the one that started out Easter Sunday by running 10 miles?  Or is she the one that proceeded to inhale her body weight in desserts later that day?  Can those 2 people really exist inside of one body?

I have to remind myself that life consists of wonderful and baffling shades of grey.  

Today I walked into the back room where the spring water is kept.  It is also the waiting area for attorneys waiting to see the judge to conference cases.

This one attorney who I know reasonably well but who doesn't specialize in criminal law so I don't see him often sees me and says hello and then says "My god you look fantastic!"  I was absolutely embarrassed by this and it took everything in me to say "Thank you" rather then offer him a million reasons why I don't look good.  I am SO SO SO SO SO uncomfortable when someone compliments me.

I also felt like a phony.  I was thinking "If he only knew how much I ate yesterday he wouldn't be saying that!"

But that's sorta stupid, right?  As someone who has lost a lot of weight, does is make my accomplishment any less because I sometimes make choices that are not completely healthy?

Sometimes when people tell me I'm an "inspiration" I feel guilty that I'm letting them down when I make a choice to eat really badly.  And I know in my heart that if I gain any weight, I'll be letting down every person who has ever had faith in me.    

But who among us is perfect, right?

I was reasonably successful yesterday in getting out of my head and enjoying the day - lucky enough to have family around!  This was, of course, bolstered by the morning run.  In fact, about 7 miles into the run yesterday I was thinking "Who the hell runs on a holiday?"  Apparently I do.  

Marc and I will be taking a mini-vacation this weekend and it can't come too soon!  I've been in my head over-analyzing lately.  Everything has been fine, but I want some FUN!  

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