Saturday, March 21, 2015

Forever fat...

I ran into an acquaintance today.  She is someone I worked with many years ago and we see each other once and a while.  So she knew me when I was fat and then when I lost weight, but it's been at least a year since we've seen each other.

She immediately told me that I was still "looking great".   She then said that she has no willpower and "I've come to the conclusion I'm going to die fat and that's all there is to it!". She paused, shook her head and then made some comment about me and how much willpower I have and how she has none.

I smiled weakly and told her that I know how hard it is and that I fight every day.  She then changed the subject and I kind of moved on.

I never know what to say in these situations.  Should I have told her that it's not about willpower, per se?  Should I have told her that she can do it?  Was she looking for advice - encouragement?  Did she want a magic answer?  Would she want to hear any of it?

I never want to come across as preachy or smug or disingenuous.  If I told her that I am so unhappy with myself right now, would she be disgusted?  When I was fat and saw people that I believed were thin, I wanted to punch them in the face when they said that they needed to lose weight.  I was so envious of what I perceived as a perfect life - how dare they pretend that their bodies weren't ideal!!

Even though I feel horrible about my body right now, I also know how much better off I am - physically and mentally - then when I was obese.  And I know for sure that because I did it ANYONE can.  She doesn't have to resign herself to anything.  But how to share that - I don't have it figured out....

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