Thursday, September 18, 2014

Smart or LOSER???


I find myself in the position today of feeling very smart and very pathetic at the same time.

Marc and I leave for vacation in just over a week and I know that we'll be doing a lot of hiking and being active  But I also know that I'll be eating more then I should.

So I've really been trying hard this week to be on track.  And I've been doing well, but the scale is stubbornly at 126 ish  It's frustrating for many reasons because not only will I not have a vacation "buffer zone" I won't even be near the weight I would like to be in general.  But I want to be as down as I can possibly get!

September is Recovery Month.  And every year the members of the treatment community get together to network, catch up, and present awards to deserving members of the treatment community.  It is held at a local Ramada Inn. And there is a buffet breakfast.

The buffet always has the typical hotel breakfast fare: crappy runny eggs, pancakes, fried potatoes, fatty bacon and pre-packaged muffins and pastries.  Knowing that this food is total SHIT unfortunately does not make me want it any less!!

So today I ate my typical Thursday breakfast of 2 eggs from our chicks topped with some ketchup.  I then went to the gathering.  And as people went up to the buffet and came back with heaping plates I was jealous.  And angry.

How absolutely PATHETIC is it that I am a 42 year old woman that has to take pre-emptive action due to a total lack of self-control???  As I sit here now, I know I made the right choice because otherwise I would be feeling bloated and guilty because, trust me, I would have PILED that plate up and sucked every bit of it down.  But the knowledge that it was the right choice doesn't exactly make me feel better about how insane it is that I am so weak willed.

I did throw myself a little pity party which involved me eating 1 dark chocolate Hershey's Kiss, but all things considered it was minimal damage!

Now, Mr. Scale I expect to rewarded for good behavior tomorrow - do you fucking hear me??

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