I know this news will come as a shock, but I think too much.
Being a thinker is often a good thing. But sometimes I fuck myself up being up in my head.
Today is the perfect example. I haven't run since Monday. Today the hamstring felt great. To boot, it was PERFECT running weather - sunny, mid-50's, light winds. I had my running clothes with me.
Then the self-doubt and potential sabotage started.
"It's going to hurt!"
"You'll only go 1/4 mile and have to quit."
"You can't run anymore - that part of your life is over!"
"Don't even try, just go walk!"
Somehow, and it was close, I managed to force myself to change my clothes and walk out the door. Saying that I felt scared makes me feel stupid, but I did!
I started running. And - no pain. So I kept going and when I hit one mile I was happy - if nothing else, I had run a mile. At 2 I started to feel draggy. “Just get to 3” is what I told myself. :Do a 5K today.” My legs felt a little sore but I think that was more from biking 2 nights ago and doing the elliptical hard last night.
At 3 miles on my route, I hit a major intersection so I waited at the light. My heart rate slowed and when the light turned I started running. I got to 4 and promised Fat Jen that we would stop at 5. But when 5 hit and there was no pain? Why quit now? At 5.6 miles I felt a little twinge but continued and made it to 6.25 miles.
I felt AMAZING and, as stupid as this sounds, I almost wanted to cry.
Now look, I don't know how I'll feel later today or tomorrow. And I know I'm not fixed.
But I have hope. I know need to listen to my body. And I also need to not let fear stand in my way. I mean if I had had to walk – so what??? If I can find balance, that's the sweet spot.