Friday, September 19, 2014

Don’t fear the reaper…

I know this news will come as a shock, but I think too much.

Being a thinker is often a good thing.  But sometimes I fuck myself up being up in my head.

Today is the perfect example.  I haven't run since Monday.  Today the hamstring felt great.  To boot, it was PERFECT running weather - sunny, mid-50's, light winds.  I had my running clothes with me.

Then the self-doubt and potential sabotage started.

"It's going to hurt!"

"You'll only go 1/4 mile and have to quit."

"You can't run anymore - that part of your life is over!"

"Don't even try, just go walk!"

Somehow, and it was close, I managed to force myself to change my clothes and walk out the door.  Saying that I felt scared makes me feel stupid, but I did!

I started running.  And - no pain.  So I kept going and when I hit one mile I was happy - if nothing else, I had run a mile.  At 2 I started to feel draggy.  “Just get to 3” is what I told myself.  :Do a 5K today.”  My legs felt a little sore but I think that was more from biking 2 nights ago and doing the elliptical hard last night.

At 3 miles on my route, I hit a major intersection so I waited at the light.  My heart rate slowed and when the light turned I started running.  I got to 4 and promised Fat Jen that we would stop at 5.  But when 5 hit and there was no pain?  Why quit now?  At 5.6 miles I felt a little twinge but continued and made it to 6.25 miles.

I felt AMAZING and, as stupid as this sounds, I almost wanted to cry.

Now look, I don't know how I'll feel later today or tomorrow.  And I know I'm not fixed.

But I have hope.  I know need to listen to my body.  And I also need to not let fear stand in my way.  I mean if I had had to walk – so what???  If I can find balance, that's the sweet spot.


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