Thursday, May 28, 2015

This is how the story ends...

You may have noticed I haven’t been posting much lately.  Or maybe you haven’t.

Either way it’s because my life is an utter and complete wreck.  I have tried hard - so fucking hard - to be positive and have done a ton of self-talk about how I can do this.  I can't pretend any more.

I have gained so much weight that I am physically uncomfortable.  And the crowning achievement was made today when I couldn’t zip up the skirt I was planning on wearing to work.

I then went out to run – get a few miles in before my race on Saturday.  I made it 2 miles before I was in so much agony from my Achilles that I actually almost fell.

I walked – or should I say limped – back to work and cried the entire way.

I got back and celebrated my misery the way any normal person would – by cramming a cookie into my mouth.

And then I cried more.

I texted Marc and suggested that he needs to make plans to leave me.  

My utter and complete failure is solidly made.  I clearly have absolutely nothing to offer here.

I am just another statistic.  Someone who lost some weight but only kept it off a short period of time before regaining.  It doesn’t have to be inevitable, folks – there are people who do maintain.  Unfortunately I am just not one of those people.

So I sincerely apologize to everyone for letting you down – for not being the inspiring success story that I wanted to be.

I don’t always prove the doubters and those who hate me right, but in this case, I have.

I hope that some of you out there have been able to get some things from here that have helped you along the way.  And I wish you all the best of luck in your story turning out much better than mine has.


  1. I hope you are not ending the blog! You are still awesome!! Don't fall into all or nothing thinking. The only failure is giving up.

  2. Typing through tears!! No it's not, no you're not. You don't owe anything to anyone - but YOU. I'm so insufficiently accomplished compared to you - I can't even think of anything worthwhile to say to encourage you - other than I KNOW you have it in you to pull your ass out of this. You DO. Get on your bike. Give your Achilles a break. KEEP MOVING. What if you schedule out your meals and exercise for the next few weeks, and stick with it that way? You can do this. For you. Please. It's almost summer. Kick its ass (and then move to Colorado and come hike with me...there is euphoria in them thar mountains, year 'round.).

  3. I look forward to reading your blog every day so please don't stop. You are not a failure, you are human and keeping weight off is hard work, a major pain in the ass and its a daily struggle and I for one, hate it! If you look at the % of weight gain vs weight loss, you are a MAJOR SUCCESS! You are inspiration to everyone who is struggling to lose/maintain. I only lost 150lbs and i have gained a bit too and the will power i had when i first lost is not the same as the drive is not the same. Regardless of your weight, you are healthy, you are in great shape, you still make better eating choices, and at the end of the day, that is what matters, much more than the number on the scale.

  4. There is no way in hell I'm going to sit back and not at least try to keep you from giving up. I may be an anonymous stranger in Southeast Georgia, but I have come to know something about you and your struggles through this blog and all you've shared. You're going through a dark time right now. Believe me, I fully understand that!! But you're not a quitter! We all have our burdens to bear, but we can and do bear them and overcome. Sometimes there is no other option but to push through. I've lost about 80lbs since Sept. 2012, and maintenance is HARD!! It sucks, but we do what we have to do to take care of ourselves so that we can take care of the people in our lives that we love so much! Please, please, please don't give up on yourself, your marriage, or this blog! You impact more people than you know, and even what you consider "failure" is a learning tool for yourself and us folks out here in cyber space!! Keep kicking GIRLFRIEND!! You can do it!!

  5. I hope you don't give up. Maybe if you are feeling down you should go to a doctor and get treated for depression. I'm sure a therapist would be able to help you and maybe even some meds for it. As for exercise, lay off the running and get into cycling more. Running isn't the only form of exercise. I really hope you do get through this! :)

  6. I have not walked in your shoes but have an understanding of weight loss as I am actively trying to do that now. I love your blog and regardless of any weight that might seem to have returned, you are still not where you started and for that you are amazing and an inspiration!

  7. Hang in there Jen. The journey is never linear. It's always going to have it's ups and downs.

  8. I agree with Anonymous above, perhaps a visit with a therapist is in order. You've undertaken such a huge life goal, and maybe you need a little reinforcement. Marc is a fabulous person and husband, but he can't possibly be impartial.

    Line up a visit or two with a professional who can help put your head back on straight. No shame in that, what you're trying to do is difficult!