I wish I could get on here today and say - "Hey, yesterday was just a bad day and I'm totally back on track!" But that would be a lie. I'm not.
My "Panera Partner" stopped in at work today and I told her that I don't know WHAT is going on, but the body is just CRAVING and DEMANDING to be fed. Which wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't the unhealthy, sugary carbs that it was demanding. And I've been giving in IN SPADES.
So this morning was another disaster. I won't go into details, but I'm sure you guys can guess. I did run at lunch and ate a very low cal and healthy lunch and I am feeling a TINY bit more in control. But again, this is COMPLETELY new territory to me.
When I decided on a lifestyle change in 2010, I just DID it. And of course, I have had days where I ate more then intended or ate the wrong things. But I have always been able to get myself back on track. This out of control, unable to rein myself in feeling? That is completely new to me.
September is Recovery Month and I was at a get together this morning. And, as often happens when I see people I know but I don't see them frequently, they comment on my appearance. So this one guy today was commenting that he didn't recognize me and how FABULOUS I look, and in my head I was SCREAMING "I'm a FRAUD! If you only knew! I'm a joke - I'm going to be fat again!!!"
I now have the weekend to catch my breath. I want to say that I've got this, but Thin Jen is being sat on by Fat Jen and she is a heavy weight. My confidence is SHOT.
I do want to say that your comments and e-mails mean the WORLD to me. I hesitated posting anything here because I also don't want to let anyone down. But I have always tried to be as honest as possible, and so I think I need to put myself out there - even if it means some of you are disappointed in me, or think less of me.
As I always tell you guys, it is NEVER too late. Every single minute brings a chance to make the right choices. I'm trying my best here....