A victory of sorts....

Yesterday, we traveled quite a distance in order to check out this recreation area that Marc found to try out some new hiking trails.  We decided not to work out in the morning and to just have lunch early and head out.

The place was AWESOME.  Much better then anticipated.  There are tons of trails to hike, and, for us, one of the best parts was that dogs that are well behaved are welcome to be off leash!  There were many dogs owners taking advantage of this.  

There was even a place where the dogs could head in to swim.  My boys had a blast:

I have been realizing lately that there are some experiences that I am not enjoying because I can't get out of my head thinking about weight and weight loss and calories.  So yesterday I was determined - before I left the house - that I was going to enjoy the hike and not think about time and calories burned.  

I was successful!  I stopped and took pictures and just enjoyed the wonderful hiking trails and didn't think about how far we were going and how many calories I was burning!  It helped that I asked Marc to track our miles with his hand held GPS that he brings with him when we walk on trails.  That way I didn't wear my watch and obsessively check it like I usually do.  

So that was my minor victory.  Of course, as it always seems to be with me, it was short lived.  I stepped on the scale this morning and weighed 121.2.  I was so incredibly discouraged.  It seems that I can't get down and stay down to where I want to be.  And so then that starts my head going and going and going.  I "should have" worked out in the morning.  I "shouldn't have" eaten that granola bar after our hike.   

I think I'm just - weight lossed out.  I'm sick and tired of thinking about food all the time.  I'm sick of worrying about every single calorie that goes in my mouth.  But the thought of not doing that and just cutting loose?  That is terrifying.  I've been doing this weight loss thing now for over 3 years and it has become a pattern.  

So my birthday is next Monday.  For this week, I'm going to try to eat healthy, listen to my body, and develop my goals for the summer. I'm going to try to get out of my head.  I'm not sure what this will mean mentally or physically, but I'm only talking a week.  We'll see....

And, just for shits and giggles, I wanted to share of pic of how tired out the boys were last night!  

Are they not the cutest things in the world??