1:30 AM

So can I first address my last couple of posts?  Some of you may or may not read the comments that people post at the end of my blog posts.  "43 Going on Dead" pointed out to me that some people who read this blog have a tremendous about to lose and would LOVE to be in my position, and that bitching about whether I should lose a couple more pounds....?

So let me say that I GET IT!  When I weighed well over 200 pounds, I read posts on 3 Fat Chicks talking about how people couldn't lose those last 5 pounds and it used to just PISS ME OFF.  But my goal on this blog has always been to be as honest, real and raw about my experience.  It isn't easy sharing my true feelings or talking about things like my pooping issues!  But I do it with the hope that it might be of value to someone out there.  Plus, it's my blog so I get to say whatever I want ;)))))

So I hope that you guys understand this and try to empathize with me not being perfect and having doubts and insecurities!

So last night I didn't sleep very well.  Sleeping is usually not a problem for me, so I'm not sure what the deal was.  But I found myself WIDE AWAKE....at 12:30 AM.  Which turned to 1:00 AM and then 1:15.  I took a Melatonin then.  At 1:30 AM, as I was trying to keep thoughts out of my head and just go to sleep, I asked myself this - in what ways would my life be better if I weighed 110 pounds?

Silence.

Hmmm... there must be something, right?

Silence again.  

I couldn't think of anything.  So I tried again this morning when I stepped on the scale and it read 117.6.  I asked myself again - how would my life be better if I stepped on the scale and it read 110?  And then I was reminded  of something the nutritionist said to me when I saw her - she told me that I'm not a professional athlete.  It's not my JOB to have extremely low body fat or be in absolute PEAK physical condition.  I'm strong and healthy and that's good enough?  

So sit down for a minute today.  Look at your goals and ask yourself WHY you want to lose weight.  Make those reasons good ones!!  There are lots of reasons to lose - but I think we should all take time and remember WHY we are doing this.  Because this journey is SO HARD and gut wrenching that we better be traveling it for the right reasons!  I'd love to hear what you come up with!!