"Jen, you need to check out the Runner's World Facebook page!" was the e-mail I got from someone today.
So I did and saw that they had reposted an article about me and several others who lost weight and are runners.
I stared at the pictures. The "before" is from the party Marc and I had in the summer of 2005 to celebrate our marriage. The "after" is from 2013 after I won a local 10k.
I realized I don't feel like either of those people right now. Although I am upset and worried about my weight gain I am a far cry from the woman who stood there smiling and weighing 300+ pounds. I also don't know that I am the slimmer runner who ran a 44 minute 10k pain free and got a trophy.
It's so surreal to see myself featured on a page like this - with words like "incredible" used. I truly don't think of myself or the changes I've made as amazing or incredible or inspiring or anything like that.
I am simply someone who was headed down a very unhealthy path and chose to make a life change. I didn't overcome a great tragedy or dig my way out of horrific circumstances like some people - the truly amazing - did. People like that - like the breathtaking dancer featured on So You Think You Can Dance this week - who was horrifically maimed in a car accident and almost lost her leg and who now dances like a dream... She and those like her are the ones that those kind of adjectives should be reserved for!
But if anyone looks at those pictures of me and my fellow former fatties and it makes them believe that they, too, can do it? That's kind of awesome, right?
And if they find their way to this blog and begin reading and see that I am totally fucked in the head I hope they're not disappointed. I hope they see that you don't need to be perfect to change your life for the better - you can be a beautiful disaster...