Monday, March 4, 2013

What could have been...

Today is March 4th.  Had my father not died of a heart attack he would have been 65 today.  I'm not sure why, but this journey has made me think of my father more then any other point in my life since his death.

Maybe it has the most to do with me getting close to the age he was when he died - 42.  I was 18 at the time, and from then until just a couple of years ago, I was pretty much resigned to the "fact" that I was going to meet the same fate.  Not necessarily at 42, but young and well before my time.  

Things are so different now.  I actually think of myself as having a future.  Which is a good thing!  But it also makes me again reflect on what if?  I wonder what he could have done - what I could have done for him - that would have saved his life.  I realize there is no answer to this.

Marc's niece Maryann (hi Maryann!) is scheduled to have her baby Maxine today.  While I'll never forget my Dad, I'm hoping that next year I associate this day with her birthday instead of my father's and that it's a happier day.

Trying to remember this....

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