An ackward post...

Well readers, this is sort of a "business" type post, and it's a bit ackward.  I'm sure I'm going to alienate some of you with this post, but in the spirit of what I've always tried to do - which is be brutally honest - I'm going to do that here, as well. 

It's not that dramatic, and I don't want it to sound so.  First off , something good.  You might have noticed that I have added a "photos" tab to the top of the blog.  This was a suggestion by Cath - thanks!  I'm going to start adding photos to it.  My wonderful husband has given me server space and worked out a way for me to have folders breaking it down into before, after, surgery photos, etc.  So you'll be seeing that if you are interested in pics.  I just have to find some time to add the pics as it will be a little time consuming!

Ok, so when I started losing weight it was for no one but myself.  I really didn't think that losing 226 pounds would happen in a million years.  I did not do it for money or accolades or anything else.  However, now that I accomplished what I did, I can't help but feel a little....jealous?....resentful?  when I see shows like Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition and people who #1 had a personal trainer, #2 a nutritionist, #3 had their food paid for, #4 took 3 months off of work and got paid AND lost less then I did and then get a $50,000 gift card from Walmart at the end??!!  Wow.  I have to admit that there's a part of me that is like "what about me?" 

Maybe this is a crappy way of thinking, and if some of you are thinking that, I understand.

This week I received notice from my insurance company that they are going to pay for part of the surgery that I had to remove the excess skin.  Any guesses to how much?  Well, out of the over $12,000 cost, they are going to pay exactly $1,041.  Yup.  And I SO want to get my thighs done because they look so terrible, but I can't justify the cost.

So, I am trying to raise some money to help pay for that to happen.  You may have noticed that I've allowed some ads to be added to this blog.  And soon I will be buying my own domain name and will have a button on there for people to donate to the cause if they so chose.

Please don't hate me for doing this.  If you can/want to donate, great.  If you can't or don't want to, that's fine, too!  I would ask that if you got anything out of this blog or my story and have 5 minutes, would you consider writing a letter/e-mail/Facebook message to some corporations asking for them to sponsor me?

Here are some of the corporations of products that I have actually used and loved that I have asked to sponsor me, and none have said yes, yet.  I have offered to advertise their products here.  Maybe if they know that people are actually reading, they will consider it:

- Panera Bread

- Bell Plantation

- Country Kitchen

- Dannon

- Arnold

- Kellogg's

- Yoplait

- Campbell's

- Progresso

As always, thanks for your support and understanding!

A visit to my primary care doc...

I saw my primary care doctor today for a yearly physical.  I didn't even need to see him this year - he usually sees me every other year - but I wanted to talk to him about a couple of things and I was interested in getting some lab work done and seeing where I stand.

This is especially important to me after turning 40.  For those of you who don't know, my father died suddenly of a heart attack when he was 42 years old.  His father died at age 49 of a sudden heart attack.  AND my maternal grandfather had heart problems and suffered a heart attack.

First the vitals:

• Resting heart rate = 54

A little low, in a good way.  The charts list me as an "athlete" for having this low number.  Um... really?  That's pretty cool.

• Blood Pressure = 110/61

Low normal - another good sign!  I sometimes get dizzy if I just up from sitting or laying down, and a little bit low BP explains this.  But people with low BP have a lower risk of stroke, kidney disease, and heart disease.  That's a very good thing considering my family history!!

• Body temp = 97.5

I've always had a lower then normal body temp, and it's dipped even more since losing weight.

Now on to the lab work:

• Blood glucose = 76

Low normal - I wasn't really worried about this, but it's nice to see a normal result in black and white!!

• Various kidney function tests - all normal except total protein.

Total protein was a little low - not uncommon for someone who has recently lost weight.  I didn't really need a lab test to tell me that my kidneys are working fine.  Peeing like a 100 times a day tells me that!!!!!!

• Thyroid = Completely normal

So if my thyroid levels are normal - which I'm happy about, don't get me wrong - why I am SO FREAKING COLD ALL THE TIME???  My doc says that this is just a matter of my body adjusting to having much lower body fat.  He says that this comes most often with people that have lost 50% or more of their original weight, and I have lost about 66%.  Plus my metabolism is a little slower now from 2+ years of being on a restricted calorie diet.  He said that my body will adjust.  I hope the hell so!!

•  Cholesterol = 189

I was pretty disappointed by this - even though it's normal, I thought it would be much lower.,  Doc says nothing to worry about whatsoever.  I have no other risk factors.  And when you take these into account:

• HDL = 54
• LDL = 121

Both of which are near optimal, and

• Triglycerides = 69

which is pretty much rock bottom, that a level of 189 is pretty well perfect and nothing to worry about.  I don't exactly have heredity on my side, either!

I asked the doc to tell me what an ideal weight for me should be.  He said to gauge how I feel.  I told him I feel good, but might feel better lower.  He said that he would like to see me between 120-125.  Hmmm... I said I was thinking 115-119.  He was okay with that and said that he does not like to see anyone's BMI below 20.  For me, that's 106 pounds!  But he said that given my muscle mass, that 120 is the most reasonable.  Then he suggested I meet with a dietician.  Not that there's anything wrong with my diet, but they have a big formula for calculating ideal weight, body fat and telling me how much I should be consuming, calorie wise, for maintenance.  Since I have good insurance that will pay for this, why not?  I can at least hear what she has to say.  That appointment won't be until October.

So I've talked a lot on here about appearance and how people react to weight loss, but this is really what it should be about - being in good health.

My cholesterol was over 260 a couple years ago, so if you are reading this and suffering health problems due to your weight - GOOD HEALTH IS A FEW POUNDS AWAY!  Keep on losing, losers!! 

The other side of the coin....

I'm a little hesitant to make this post, but I wanted to follow up on yesterday's discussion.  We all agree that society in general treats thin people better then they do fat people, right?

But interestingly enough, there is another side to this coin.  There is also people that won't treat you as well for losing weight.  I have been very lucky that I, for the most part, have been very supported by friends and family during this journey.  However, as I've gotten down to my goal weight I've noticed that there is some jealousy involved as well.

Some of this comes from strangers - I have even had people - and it is usually women - actually glare at me when I'm out running or even when their significant others hold the door for me.  Usually they have some weight to lose.  It's a funny thing.  I always make the assumption that they think I've always been thin - I've resisted the urge to stop and tell them different.  But even more noticable is some friends that seem to be jealous of the progress I've made. 

I guess I was always "the fat friend".  I was known for being really smart and really funny, but I was never the attractive one.  Now don't get me wrong - I don't think that I'm all that.  In fact, one of the sad things for me about this journey is that I always thought that if I lost weight that I would be really pretty, and that's definitely not the case.  But I am okay looking, I guess.  Also, I have garnered a lot of attention for the weight I've lost and that makes some people jealous as well. I was interviewed for our local newspaper last year and when I was talking to a reporter about the article he wrote I actually had a co-worker rudely interrupt us and ask in a snotty voice if he was done talking to me yet.

One way I do feel lucky is that Marc is not the jealous type AT ALL.  He doesn't mind other guys checking me out - in fact, he is more like "That's right - check her out - she is MY wife."  But I know a lot of women whose husbands become very threatened and jealous when they lose weight and become more attractive.

Sometimes people still try to sabotage me - like offering me cake or cookies and then when I say, usually in a light hearted way that I don't eat that stuff I have even had people roll their eyes at me.     People are people, I guess, and, as Jim Morrison said, People Are Strange!

So just be prepared for this as well - not everyone is going to support or encourage your journey!!  But remember, you have people in your corner, use them and forget about the haters!

Getting treated differently...

I have been asked to talk about how people in general treat me from when I was obese to now when I am thin.  You know, it's been said before, but I think it is true.  Fat people seem to be the last group of people you can blatantly make fun of in public without it being "politically incorrect".  And I certainly experienced that when I was obese.  

That type of being made fun of is usually done in whispers and in stares.  And it is completely and totally humiliating.  I always pretended that it never got to me.  I would make some joke or blow it off.  If anyone ever did make a remark to me, I often had a catty response for the person who said it like "I can diet, what are you going to do about your face?" type thing.  One time in Walmart I had just come back from calling hours from a relative that passed away.  I was feeling pretty shitty anyway.  Two young 20 something girls I caught giggling and looking at me.  I made sure to come around the corner where they were and SLAMMED my cart right into one of them.  With a voice dripping in sarcasm I said "Oh, geez, I am SO SORRY."  That was how I dealt with my anger and hurt.

Some of this was real and some is what was made up in my head when I was fat.  Every single time there was a group of people whispering around me, I KNEW that they had to be talking about me.  Of course this is not true, but when you get made fun of, and it cuts so deep you are constantly on the lookout.

When you are fat, you deal with things that other people don't understand - flying is a nightmare - having to ask for a seatbelt extender, wondering if they are going to pull you aside and made you buy 2 tickets?  I only wanted to go to restaurants I was familiar with, because if they have non adjustable booths, I sometimes couldn't fit.  How about giving up roller coasters because you are afraid they won't be able to buckle you in.  This was my reality.  And knowing that the waitress or attendant was either disgusted or pitied me - both versions SUCKED.

So do people treat me differently now?  Of course.  Part of this is because I look so different, and I'm sure part of it is that I am so much more confident now.  When I walk into a room, I strut into a room.  I don't slink in hoping that no one will stare in a nasty way.  I think that I get more attention and more respect when I say things, especially from people that don't know me.  Let me tell you, part of that makes me sad, because I am no smarter or dumber then I was when I was fat, but it is reality.  

Let's not forget to talk about this - I am experiencing what hot women no doubt have experienced their whole lives - male attention.  I know that when some women lose weight they become uncomfortable with the attention they receive from men.  I don't enjoy it, but it doesn't make me uncomfortable, either.  I'm not talking about  men yelling things or making catcalls - I do experience that on occasion, especially when I'm out running.  I'm talking about just walking by and noticing men giving me the up and down look.  Or them giving me a smile and a flirty hello when they walk by me on the street.  And I'll tell you, I get the door opened for me a HELL of a lot more now then when I was obese.

Like I said, some of this is really a sad commentary on our society.  But it is a reality and having people be nice to you and treat you with respect - it happens when you are thinner. 

If you are reading this and are still obese, know that you don't deserve to be treated like crap - by ANYONE.  Throw your shoulders back and own your life.  Being treated better by people will be a side effect of getting thin.  But you are a worthy human being and should be treated based on who you are as a person, not on your size.  Everyone might not see this, but I do!  Love yourself and get thin for that reason, not because society deems it!!

Just a quick update.

I'm just going to do a quick update today because I don't have a lot to talk about.  Again, I'd like to invite you to e-mail me (using the Contact tab at the top of the page) if there's anything you would like me to talk about.  

Last weekend marked 4 months post surgery.  To be honest it feels like a lot longer then that!  The incision is completely healed up.  Where it was really hard and raised just about my butt crack has completely settled down.  I also think that my belly button looks a lot better.  I am considering getting it pierced though.  I'll have to wait and see what Dr. DeRobert's opinion is on that.  Not aesthetically but  medically LOL.

Where he lasered my birthmark looks pretty good.  It's going to need another treatment though to make it disappear.  But it is much lighter then it was:  

 

Not too bad, huh?  

I ran 10 miles this morning - it was hot and humid and my ass did not want to leave the house!!  But I did and I'm glad I did!  Felt good afterwards.  Ran the 10 in 1:26:15 - which is less then 8:45 a mile.  Not too shabby!

I see my primary care doc this week.  I got blood drawn and am anxious to see my numbers.  I saw him in June of last year and my cholesterol level was still 200.  It should have come down.

Oh, and it looks like I picked a pretty good goal weight.  I'm holding steady at 118-119 so I think my body likes this weight!  I would like to drop 1-2 more pounds as a buffer, but I'm pretty content right now!

Eating out.

One of the things that people often struggle with is eating out.  First let me say that - in my opinion - one of the reasons we are so fat as a nation is that we eat out WAYYYYYYY too much.  I know I did before I started losing weight.  I often went out to TGI Friday's for lunch and ordered the soup and salad.  Healthy, right?  Not so much.  I would usually have 2 bowls at 300 calories per bowl.  Then the salad, which was nominal calories, but I added Balsalmic dressing - 300 calories!!  Now, add in eating at least 3 breadsticks at 100 calories a piece and at least 2 Mountain Dews at 75 calories.  So I was eating for lunch at least 1300 calories and then when I got home at night having a full meal. 

Not only is eating out playing hell on our collective waistlines but many of us are spending too much money on eating out, aren't we?? 

That being said, I can totally relate to wanting to eat out once and a while.  So what are some pointers to make smart choices?  First off, if you are eating at any of the national chains, you can get right on the internet and get the calories counts for everything they serve.  If you have the internet on your phone, you can do it right from the restaurant .  However, I personally like to see the counts and know what I am going to eat BEFORE I get there.  Having a plan prevents making rash and unwise choices.

Fortunately, many of the chain restaurants are trying to incorporate healthy meals into their menus.  Ruby Tuesdays has a fit and fresh selection, Applebees has an under 550 calorie menu and my personal favorite place - Panera Bread - offers many healthy choices and their calories counts are listed right where you order!!  It is definitely possible to eat healthy when you are eating out!!!

Here are some additional tips:

• When you get the salad, ask for the light dressing and get it on the side.  Most restaurants smother their salad in dressing and you don't need all of that.
• Speaking of salads, don't assume that they are the healthiest things on the menu.  Check the calorie counts - many salads have more calories then other selections!
• Like I'm sure many of you, I have a weakness for bread.  But at home you wouldn't sit down and eat 3 rolls with dinner, why would you do it when you go out??!!
• All you can eat buffets are evil.  Try to stick to places where you get served your meal only.  If you do hit a buffet and there is a salad selection, fill your plate with a large salad first. 
• Stay away from fried food.  If you go to a Asian restaurant anything listed as "tempura" means battered and deep fried.  Tons of calories.
• Cream sauces for pasta have a ton of calories!  Stick with marinera or spaghetti sauce or don't get the pasta entrees.
• Say no to appetizers.  They are almost universally high in calories.  Applebees spinach and artichoke dip has 1500 calories by itself!!!  And while you're at it, say no to desserts.  Sorry!

Just use common sense and you can eat out, have a good time and not destroy what you have been working for!   

My tattoo...

I've had a couple of people contact me asking about my tattoo.  I got this tattoo in the beginning of my jouney in April of 2010. 

I LOVE music.  So getting a musical themed tattoo is not a surprise to anyone who knows me.  But the tattoo also contains the words "Defy Gravity".  Is it from the musical "Wicked" and the lyrics really spoke to my heart about what I was going through.  I had them permanently etched on my body so that any time I felt shaky I could look at them and sing the song to myself.

For those of you  ot familiar, this is a duet, but here are the essential lyrics that are important to me.

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you can't pull me down!

I'm through accepting limits
'Cuz someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!
I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
And you can't pull me down:

So if you care to find me
Look to the western sky!
As someone told me lately:
"Everyone deserves the chance to fly!"
And if I'm flying solo
At least I'm flying free
To those who'd ground me
Take a message back from me
Tell them how I am
Defying gravity
I'm flying high
Defying gravity
And soon I'll match them in renown
And nobody in all of Oz
No Wizard that there is or was
Is ever gonna bring me down!

The importance of attitude...

I know that this is a total cliche, but is this glass half full or half empty?  And, more importantly, who cares?  Well let me just say that I have found that on this journey, attitude is SOOOO important.

I work with a woman who is, in truth, a really wonderful person.  However, her attitude most of the time SUCKS.  She always has something to bitch and complain about.  The weather is too hot, she has too much work she has to do, blah blah blah.  It makes people at work not even want to talk to her - even though she is very sweet and the type of person that would do anything for someone she is friends with. 

This attitude translates to her and her attempts at weight loss.  She has TONS of excuses why she is heavy.  She has some physical health issues so it is "impossible" (her words) to exercise.  She is just so incredibly busy that she HAS to eat out 4-5 nights a week.  She makes repeated half-assed efforts at changing things and gives up after 3-4 days.

How do you see things?  Do you celebrate the fact that you've lost 15 pounds or do you lament the fact that you have 60 more to lose?  The way you see things is a CHOICE.   And how you see things directly translates into what you do in your day to day efforts.  If you CHOOSE to be negative, you are more likely to give up and give in.

There is no doubt that certain people have different challenges.  However, if you want this - if you really really want it - you have to make sacrifices.  Maybe you really can't exercise an hour today.  But you can fit in 15 minutes.  Not having the time is NOT an excuse to say "screw it" and not do anything and eat whatever you want.  If this was easy, everyone would be thin and fit.  How bad - really - do you want it?

I was in a funk a couple of weeks ago and went out to lunch with one of the most fantastic people I have ever had the privilege of knowing.   (Hi Sue!!!)  Here we are going on and on about me and my challenges, when Sue has been battling serious - very serious - health concerns for YEARS.  I came back from that lunch and I was like "Here I am throwing a pity party for myself when there are people who have REAL problems!"  I try to keep that in mind. 



Tackling my closet!

As you might imagine, going from the size I was to the size I am has meant drastic changes in my clothing sizes.  I have gone from a Women's size 34 to a size 2/4.  That's also a size 4X to a size small or even extra small.  So, this has meant that during this 2 plus year journey I have gone through buying multiple wardrobes!  I work a professional job, so I have to have nice clothes to wear!

My sister-in-law, Melanie, recently cleaned out her closet and offered me the 4 bags of clothing she was just going to get rid of.  So I happily took them!  [On a side note, Melanie has always been so small and the fact that I can wear her hand-me-downs just blows my mind!!]  Yesterday I tackled my closet.  Not only did I go through, try on, and organize what she had given me, but I also went through all of my clothes, ONCE AGAIN.  I ended up getting rid of a whole bunch of my stuff - even stuff that I bought last fall.  I had a whole bunch of awesome sweaters that were size large that I bought last winter, but even larges just hang on me now for the most part. 

I now have a grand total of 2, yes 2, fall/winter dresses.  Almost everything Melanie gave me for winter was casual and the vast majority was summer stuff.  So looks like I'm going to have to hit the stores in the next couple of months.  But here is the great thing - IT'S MY LAST TIME having to replace my wardrobe.  YAY!!!!  I plan to be this size from now on!

The closet looks great - it's all cleaned out.  Well, my side is, anyway.  I hope I have inspired Marc to go through his clothes.  He is still holding on to XL clothing when he is in a medium now. 

That was my excitement this weekend!  I talked about getting organized last week and let me tell you, this was a lot of work, but it feels so good to have it done and behind me!!

Holy crapola -

Since I've been holding steady between 118 and 119 for the last couple weeks, I think it's fair to say that I have made my weight loss goal.  So I was looking through some old pics.  Wow, is all I can say...

This is me at a wedding in 2008:

And this is a pic from our 2009 Xmas card:

I showed these pics to a couple of friends of mine and both commented that they didn't remember or actually didn't see me as that big at the time.  It's funny because in some ways I still feel like that fat chick.  But in other ways, I feel like it was FOREVER ago that I looked like that.  When in reality it wasn't that long ago at all.

Here are some pics from earlier today:

 As I am finding, the real challenge begins now.  But I have to tell you I feel pretty confident.  We'll see what I feel like as winter begins to creep in and I can't - actually WON'T - get outside as much...

Yummy - Pancakes!

Here is another recipe.  It's for low calorie pancakes and they are DELICIOUS!  This post is for my friend, Peggy as we were talking about pancakes the other day. 

By the way, Peg, thanks for being such an awesome friend, and being so supportive of me always.  Love you!!

Ingredients:
• 6 egg whites
• ½ cup oatmeal (dry)
• 1 tablespoon unsweetened apple sauce
• Pinch of cinnamon
• Packet of Truvia

• 1 apple, diced finely
• ¼ teaspoon baking soda
• Cooking spray

 Cooking Instructions:
1. First heat a frying pan until hot and then reduce to medium temperature. After mixing together all the ingredients in a blender (except for the diced apple), spray some pam (or other cooking spray), drop by spoonful onto the pan.

2. When bubbles start to form, place evenly on pancake some of the diced apple.
3. Let them set in before flipping the pancake.
4. Makes about 4-6 pancakes depending on the size.

240 calories for whole recipe

And trust me, they taste really good.  I spread a little peanut butter on them and then top with Mrs. Butterworth's Sugar Free syrup - that has 20 freaking little calories for 1/4 cup!  You gotta love it!  And it tastes great.

Tip of the day...

We all know the things that can make us successful in a weight loss journey.  Eat right, exercise, et cetera.  But how about a tip that made a huge difference in my life that you might not think is important ?

GET ORGANIZED!

With summer winding down, I know a lot of you have kids.  Even if you don't, fall brings on its own set of challenges.  There never seems to be enough time in the day.  When we are rushed and unorganized we tend to make bad choices.  Disorganization also leads to stress and stress leads to lots of things - like the body holding on to fat. 

Let me give you an example.  Let's say that you're having a crazy day at work.  You rush out the door anxious to get home and tackle the night's responsibilities.  Now what are you going to do for dinner?  Who knows??  That pizza place down the road is calling your name and it's quick and easy, right?  Bad, bad, bad.  Now imagine the same scenario, except you knew last night exactly what you were going to have tonight and threw everything in the crockpot this morning, turned it on low, and now all you have to do is come home and dish out a delicious, healthy meal.  Good, good, good!

Every night before I go to bed, this is what I do -

• Lay out the clothes I'm going to wear tomorrow.
• Pack my gym bag with workout clothes and anything else I need for working out - such as a DVD.
• Take out of the freezer what I'm having for dinner the next day and put it in the fridge. 
• Get out what I'm having for breakfast the next morning - like putting the dry oatmeal in a bowl and sticking the bowl and a spoon in the microwave.
• Pack my lunch for the next day.

Does this sound like a lot of effort?  It's not once you get used to it.  I am not a morning person.  So having the oatmeal all ready where I just have to throw in some water and start the microwave makes my life so much easier.  Then there is no chance of 1) skipping breakfast and finding myself starving and making a bad food choice halfway through the morning or 2) Stopping at McDonald's for a greasy, nasty breakfast sandwich on the way in to work.

You'll be amazed at how much easier the mornings go!  Your outfit is laid out, so you just throw on the clothes, grab your workout bag, throw your lunch in the bag and head out the door.  Easy peasy. 

And as far as dinner goes, crockpot recipes are a life saver.  And there are a TON of websites with easy and quick recipes.  But even if you're not using a crockpot, just having the chicken breast thawing during the day and some rice in the rice cooker - it makes life so much easier when you get home! 

I have also found that this type of organization saves precious minutes!  So I have time to cut the dogs' nails or load the dishwasher or sew that damn button back on my shirt.  Also, I like to do my second workout of the day when I get home.  This way I don't have to make a choice between working out and getting stuff done - I can do both!  Because it's too freaking easy to make EXCUSES to not work out.  Having time to get everything done and still get a good night's sleep is worth it's weight in GOLD!  And you'll go to bed feeling accomplished and not guilty. 

Try this for a week and let me know how it goes!!

Climbing mountains...

Both figuratively and literally!  We camped out this weekend and climbed both Cascade and Porter Mountains - 2 of the high peaks of the Adirondacks.  What a great time!!  

I haven't climbed a true mountain in a year and I was shocked at how easy it was.  Well, maybe easy isn't the correct term, but my heart rate stayed really low and I could easily dash up steep pitches like this:

Here are DH, the dogs and I at the top of Cascade Mountain:

And then one more of me at the top of Porter Mountain, the second one we climbed:

I'll tell you what, it feels great to be so active and to not have a day like this exhaust me.   

No-no-notorious...

I hope there are some other 80's peeps reading that remember Duran Duran so that my title makes sense  LOL

Anyway, I wanted to talk about my run yesterday and celebrating minor victories.  I was not motivated at all to run yesterday.  I did a lot of kettlebell work on Wednesday evening and my hamstrings and glutes were SORE, plus I just wasn't feeling it.  However, I didn't give myself an option and got changed and headed out the door.  It was my lunch hour and I always leave my work building and walk a short distance to the end of the road and then start my run.  

As I was walking that short distance I hear someone yelling at me from a car stopped at the red light.  I looked over and there was this woman who I had never seen before waving and yelling at me.  I pulled out one of my headphones and went over towards her.  She told me that she had just been telling her friend about me earlier that day.  She said that she had seen me running "all over the City" since last summer and how awesome I look.  She then said "I so want to be you!!"  She indicated that she had tried Weight Watchers several times and always lost and then regained, but had said to her friend - "If that woman can do it, so can I!!"  I gave her some encouraging words as the light was turning green and they took off. 

It was surprising and flattering.  I mean, I run the same or fairly same route 3 times per week, but I never think that people in cars really notice or pay attention to my running as I am in my own little world.  I do see a lot of the same walkers and we do the head nod thing, but I don't think about people driving by. 

Last May when I started running outside I was about 70 pounds heavier, so I can see that if someone was paying attention they would have noticed.

I don't know if it was because I was flying high from the compliment or what, but I ended up having a GREAT run.  I felt like I was totally in the groove and ran 6 miles easily.  If I had more time I would have run more.  It was awesome. 

THEN at the end of the run, I went inside and weren't they having CAKE right there at the security desk.  They tried to convince me that because I had just run, I could have a piece of cake, but I said NOPE.  I mentally celebrated my self control and headed upstairs to change and have the healthy lunch I packed. 

This journey is NOT a journey of 1000 perfect steps.  It's a journey of making the right choices, one at a time.  If you can string enough of these single right choices together you have a recipe for success.  

I wish that woman in the car luck on her road to getting healthy - one choice at a time!! 

My dinner last night...

How about a recipe today, guys?  I made a Zucchini Casserole last night with fresh zucchini from our garden.  It was SO GOOD!

Thanks to my mother for the recipe - which I modified a little to keep the calories lower...

1 zucchini cut into bite sized pieces

1 small can of tomato sauce

1 can of mushroom, drained

1 pound of chicken sausage (you can use regular sausage or ground beef - I actually used 4 links of chicken sausage)

Shredded cheddar or mozarella cheese (I used 1 cup of Price Chopper fat free cheddar cheese)

garlic powder

Combine all ingredients in a glass pan. Sprinkle top with Parmesan cheese.  Bake at 350 for 1 hour.

This was so delish and very low calorie.  The whole casserole came to around 1400.  Since I divide my calories into a relatively small lunch and breakfast and then a heavier dinner, even eating 1/2 of this casserole only put me at 1300 calories for the day.  I even made a piece of garlic bread on 35 calorie per slice oatmeal bread - Country Kitchen makes this bread. 

Feeling good this week!

It's funny how emotions can change so rapidly from day to day and week to week.  I told you all about my complete meltdown last week.  I just really was in a state of self-doubt and fear.  This week I have swung to the complete opposite side of the pendulum. 

I feel totally and completely confident and in control this week.  I am looking at how far I've come and I'm in a place where I am totally sure that I can manage my eating and exercise in a healthy way and live as a thin and healthy person for the rest of my life. 

Last night was a potluck dinner for my work.  I ate mostly very healthy things - chicken, salad, fruit - but, once again, I ate WAY to much of that stuff  [SIGH!]  BUT, rather then let it throw me into a tirade of self-abuse and recriminations, like usual, I instead said to myself that today is a new day and one day eating too much, even several hudred calories too much, does not make me gain a ton of weight.  I knew yesterday was going to be a challenge, and I ran 6 miles at lunch.  It doesn't undo the damage, but it does mitigate it a little.  And as long as I get right back on track - which I am! - it will have very little effect on my overall efforts.

Feeling calm and in control is a really good feeling.  It's funny, every fall and spring at work they do a weight loss challenge.  I think I did it 2 or 3 times during this journey, once taking 3rd place and winning some money.  As we are nearing the end of the summer, flyers are going out with the start date.  People are picking their partners and talking about getting back on track after a summer of over-indulging.  I picked up a flyer and looked at it, and, without really thinking, considered joining.  Then I realized that I don't have any weight to lose.  Wait a minute?  I DON'T HAVE ANY WEIGHT TO LOSE!!

So my brain hasn't totally caught up.  BUT I am JUST starting to see myself as a thin person.  I also, for really the first time, am starting to see why other people admire me.  As I was stretching before going inside after my run yesterday, a colleague walked by me shaking her head.  I asked her "What?"  and she said "Your dedication - it's just remarkable!"  I didn't respond, but I thought "You know, it is pretty impressive..."  I then started to wonder if last year people saw me running and took bets on how long it would last.  You know, most people don't stick with things they start.

For anyone who is reading this who is in the midst of their journey, I want to tell you once again - YOU CAN DO IT!  Today is a new day!!  Did you fuck up and eat badly yesterday?  Did you mean to exercise and didn't?  START NOW.  I cannot tell you how worth it is!!!!!  Do you have a long way to go?  That's okay, I did too!  Don't think about how far you have to go, take it in steps!  Imagine seeing the relatives at Thanksgiving and being 20-30 pounds lighter then you are now!  It can be done if you start TODAY. 

I am the #1 Loser!

Have you guys ever heard the phrase "Coming in 2nd makes you the #1 loser"?  Well that  is me!  Yesterday Marc and I raced our 2nd 10K.  It was very hot and humid.  Lots of people were really struggling, including some very buff and young Fort Drum soldiers.  Since I run at lunch time, I am kind of used to running in the heat.  It was pretty intense, but I was not all that bothered.

At any rate, it was a pretty small race - only 70 racers (you could also bike and there were a lot of bikers).  But I was the 6th person to finish and was 2nd overall for women!  It was pretty exciting!  And pretty hard for me to believe!

Here I am after collecting my medal:

Marc took 1st place in his age group!

The race included a pancake breakfast for all runners afterwards.  Do you know how long it has been since I've eaten pancakes??!!  Let's just say that I took full advantage and, of course, felt guilty afterwards.

Some day - SOME DAY - I am going to be able to just eat like a normal person!!

   

An adjustment period...

Soooooooo..... after hitting my goal weight on Saturday, it's been quite a week.  The thought of increasing my calories - which will need to happen in order for me to maintain instead of continuing to lose - has been really sending me off the deep end.  On Tuesday, I ordered from a vending machine here at work what I THOUGHT was a raspberry flavored coffee.  Turns out that it was a MOCHA coffee.  As soon as I tasted it, I knew it was extremely sweetened, but I drank it anyway.  Then I had a complete MELTDOWN because I didn't know how many calories I just injested.  I seriously threw myself into a total panic.  It was really weird to have this happen now.  I never had these moments when I was like 250 pounds.  I'm not totally sure what that was about.

And I'm doubting whether 119 should be my goal.  I'm wondering if I should lose a few more pounds.  I want someone to tell me what my PERFECT weight is.  Logically and rationally I know there is no such thing, but I am a very concrete person and that's what I'm looking for.  I think that I look pretty good now, and I feel good, but how do I know I wouldn't look and feel better at 115?

On the other side of this, is people like Marc, my mother, and my sister-in-law indicating their fear that I will lose too much weight.  I'm definitely not anywhere near that, in my opinion.  I have a doctor's appointment at the end of this month, and I'm going to ask his opinion, but again, it's not like he can tell me what exact weight to be.  Plus, my weight can fluctuate greatly from day to day - 4 pounds or so. 

It's going to take me a while to get this figured out in my head, so I beg everyone for their patience while I do this!!