Saturday, June 2, 2012

The good, the bad and the ugly...

I'll start with the bad.  I haven't been posting here because I am deeply and profoundly depressed about turning 40 tomorrow.  I mean, I am seriously messed up over it.  I feel like there is a black cloud just sitting over me.  I can't concentrate, I'm not sleeping right, I cried all the way home yesterday.  I know that with the surgery I have a new lease on life and I keep trying to tell myself this, but myself is not listening.  I have a TON of regrets about waiting until so late in my life to start getting healthy that I feel that it's almost too late for me.  This is probably compounded by the fact that my father died so young - at age 42.  I hope I get out of this funk, because I am absolutely miserable.

Ok, we can move on to better news.  I ran 5 miles on Thursday and 5.25 on Friday during my lunch hour.  Both days were about 65-70 degrees and Friday there was a light drizzle.  I have taken a turn in my running.  Both days I felt relaxed and calm and getting those miles in was actually easy.  Normally I have to push myself and convince myself to keep running, and then I feel good when it's over.  Both days I felt great DURING the run.  I've been running outside just over a year.
In another piece of good news, my flexibility is coming back.  I did P90X Stretch yesterday and I'm close to being back where I was pre-surgery.  And obviously, without the huge belly roll, I'm going to end up even more flexible on some of the moves.  Right now the hardest stretches are the ones where I reach over my head because the skin is still trying to stretch out from where it was pulled together.  It's uncomfortable, but it needs to be stretched anyway.
I'm really trying to get myself back on track, but I am not in a good space right now.
I am down another pound which puts me at a total of 220 pounds lost.


  1. I just found your blog today, via a post in Support forum on MFP, and after having just finished reading every one of your posts I just have to say that you are one amazing lady. You obvious drive and determination inspire me to hopefully have a life where making healthy choices sounds so easy. I too run and lift weights and your pics are amazing and I plan to stick with it. I previously felt like an "easy" runner who wanted to get out ther and some days I feel that desire coming back. I don' t know if I'll ever have your speed, but I hope to have a piece of your healthier outlook. Thank you for sharing your travels through this time in your life. Enjoy every day to the fullest and this funk shall pass and you will be beaming again in no time. Sara

  2. I just want to say how amazing you are. A true inspiration to me. I think to myself every single day how phenomenal you are to do what you did! Seriously, not many people can do it. But YOU did!! I think you should forget about your age for just a day (at least) and celebrate your victory with life! Plus girl, you don't look a day over 25! :) go on and celebrate today for all the good you have accomplished these past 2 years. You are a true hero. Happy Birthday!!

  3. Off the pity pot girl!!!! Look what you are doing with your life and GET to do with the other half THE BETTER half, the smarter half,I just turned 60 last week and feel I get better everyday...Yes I have more wrinkles,but I am thinner ,stronger,wiser than I was at 18,30 and most likely 40.So CELEBRATE the journey and know your getting BETTER by the day and you don't have to do that part over!!!!Happy late birthday. I enjoy knowing you cyberly{??} Deva

  4. Age is just a number.... You only as old as you feel... Corny quotes, you bet! But, they are so true. You look amazing, don't waste it worrying about turning 40. Enjoy!!

    Happy Birthday!!