I spent the last several days out of town with family. Things are different now - being thin-ish. I view things differently and I act different. It was very noticeable spending time with people that I don't get to see nearly enough. I'm more helpful. Part of that is having more energy. Another part is that I'm not worried that I'm constantly being judged. I knew - KNEW - that before when I left a room people were talking about how heavy I was to one another. It is a terrible feeling when you walk into a room and conversation stops and you know exactly what was being said. This weekend was totally different. I didn't have to worry about that.
I was more sociable with strangers. Once again, that fear was gone that people would be judging me. I went over and played volleyball with one of my cousins right next to where my other cousin was playing a frisbee game with a bunch of her teenage friends. I wouldn't have done that before - to create in my head what the teenagers were thinking/saying about the fat girl playing volleyball - no freaking way!
That's not to say that the weekend was a complete success. I still have difficulty moderating my food intake. Even eating things that are good for me, I ate WAY too much. And I am paying the price in spades today! Severe acid indigestion and diarrhea. Good times. What I did realize is that because I so rarely allow myself ANY off plan eating, that when I do give myself permission, I go crazy. It's like I have to cram a few months worth of treats into one or two days. Not cool. As I move closer to maintenance I'm going to have to learn to give myself treats once and a while so that I don't feel so deprived and feel like I have to stuff myself.
Ah well, as they say in AA it's an AFGO - Another Fucking Growth Opportunity.
I am 100% back on plan today. The scale is showing a HUGE gain, but most of that is from water retention. It'll be later this week before I know the complete damage and continue to try to lose.
Finally, congrats to my cousin Hayley for graduating high school!!
I was more sociable with strangers. Once again, that fear was gone that people would be judging me. I went over and played volleyball with one of my cousins right next to where my other cousin was playing a frisbee game with a bunch of her teenage friends. I wouldn't have done that before - to create in my head what the teenagers were thinking/saying about the fat girl playing volleyball - no freaking way!
That's not to say that the weekend was a complete success. I still have difficulty moderating my food intake. Even eating things that are good for me, I ate WAY too much. And I am paying the price in spades today! Severe acid indigestion and diarrhea. Good times. What I did realize is that because I so rarely allow myself ANY off plan eating, that when I do give myself permission, I go crazy. It's like I have to cram a few months worth of treats into one or two days. Not cool. As I move closer to maintenance I'm going to have to learn to give myself treats once and a while so that I don't feel so deprived and feel like I have to stuff myself.
Ah well, as they say in AA it's an AFGO - Another Fucking Growth Opportunity.
I am 100% back on plan today. The scale is showing a HUGE gain, but most of that is from water retention. It'll be later this week before I know the complete damage and continue to try to lose.
Finally, congrats to my cousin Hayley for graduating high school!!
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