Wednesday, December 2, 2015

BLECH of a day!

You guys know that I have a TERRIBLE memory right? I don’t know how many times Marc has said to me “You don’t remember that??!!” referring to something that a few months or even years ago and I’m like “I don’t remember what happened THIS MORNING!”

But some things can’t be forgotten even though I wish they could. It was 25 years ago today when my father died of a heart attack. I can’t believe it’s been 25 freaking years. Every detail of that horrible morning is etched in my mind as clearly as when it happened.

Yesterday it was dark all day long and rained.  I woke up this morning to the same.  It hasn’t been all that cold, but when everything is damp and dark, it just makes it feel colder than it really is.

I told myself in the shower this morning that all I needed to do was get through today and I can mentally move on to looking forward to the holidays.

Arriving at work this morning I was busy and productive with no time to be in my head, and I was feeling pretty good all things considered. And then all hell broke loose. Things didn’t go as planned - there was running around and complete chaos and waiting and all the things that I have no patience for – this included me not getting to take my lunch break.

Now that’s not a tragedy, but when your entire existence seems to be focused on working out and burning a required amount of calories, missing a workout - well, it feels like a disaster. Add this to stress and anxiety and sadness - well, that’s not a good thing.

It’s so stupid when I intellectually think about it, but that guttural sense that not having worked out has instantly made me gain 20 pounds sits there like a monkey on my back.

Was there really a time in my life when I NEVER worked out and didn’t think a damn thing about it? That seems like a lifetime ago!

I’m happy to close the door on this sad day for at least another year.  And tomorrow will be better, right?

No comments:

Post a Comment