The confidence of a fool

What a whirlwind couple of days!  I hope everyone here had a wonderful Xmas!  My day was packed full!  I was pretty happy to get an early start – making the food that we take over to his sister’s house first thing.

With that done, I could take the dogs on a relaxing 10K run.  Marc got me a hands free leash for running with them and I just had to try it out   For anyone who runs with their dogs, I think I’m going to do a review on this leash at some point, so stay tuned!

The calories burned on the run were nominal compared to the massive amount of food I ate that day, but it certainly was better than nothing.

The rest of Xmas day was spent with Marc’s family and it was a relaxing and fun time.

Yesterday morning I ran again – not an easy task the day after massive food injestion!  But that run did put me at over 1,000 miles running this year.  That number is pretty low given what I hoped to accomplish in 2015, but given the partial tear of my Achilles in May and having to rest it almost all of June, I was happy to hit that number.

We then removed all traces of Xmas from the house.  I am always thrilled to put out all the decorations and the tree, but the minute after Xmas, I’m ready to see it gone!

I’ve been reflecting a lot the last few days on the future and what the New Year will bring.  On Xmas Day I was full of confidence, despite failing most of this year, that I would get back on track – that I WILL lose my extra poundage and get back into running shape.

And I was flying pretty high.

Then last night I woke up at 3:38 AM and was in an utter panic.  I was full of anxiety that I cannot do it.  I have no self-control.  The woman who lost the weight is gone forever.  That I am being a FOOL by thinking that I can do this. 

I lay in bed, wide awake and felt the old familiar feeling of despair wash over me.

Fortunately I was able to get back to sleep and as I sit here this morning, I’m just not sure.  I want to believe that I have what it takes, but am I just fooling myself?

The proof will be in the proverbial (sugar free of course) pudding.  Can I do it?  Can I get back to where I want to be?

How about you?  Do you need to get back on track?  Are you feeling confident or doubtful?