I was not aware of this, but I was recently informed that I have no right to my feelings. Nope, apparently my struggles aren’t real and – somehow – they also mean that I suck at my job. Oh, and at life.
Because I lost weight and am no where near my heaviest, I am not allowed to be upset about gaining weight back. I certainly should not have any feelings that I have screwed up, and have absolutely no reason whatsoever to feel depressed.
Or so I was recently informed.
2015 has not been my finest year, for sure. If you have never known the feeling of sinking terrible blackness and felt there is no way out, count yourself lucky. I had periods of this before I lost weight and, unfortunately, have not been immune to these feelings after losing weight.
I don’t feel this way now – and I’m not proud – let me be the absolute first person to admit – I had times this year where I was a whiny, pathetic, self-involved little bitch. I will totally own that, because it’s true!
For 2016, one of my goals is to do BETTER. Not just in terms of losing some weight – that is a goal but only part of the overall picture.
My goal is to be better at putting things in perspective, being more positive, not sweating the small stuff as they say. And that should make me happier and therefore less annoying, right?
But I am human. I am bound to fall back into old behaviors. To have bad days, to throw unwarranted pity parties for myself.
The internet is a very large place. I am quite sure that there are men and women who have lost weight and are finding maintenance easy. Where the posters are consistently positive and focused. I’m sure there is some great advice to be had there!!
Because if you are looking to read a blog where it’s all unicorns and rainbows, this isn’t the blog for you – I’m just not that person, and I don’t want to pretend to be.
I do promise that I am going to try to do things differently in 2016. I sincerely and truly love to hear from you guys. I would LOVE to hear more – for some readers to do guest posts – about anything that has helped or is helping on your journey! You know where to find my e-mail!
And if you choose to stop reading? I wish you the absolute best of luck in the future!
P.S. To Christyne: thank you, thank you, thank you!
Jenn
ReplyDeleteI have been following you for many years....close to 4. You are entitled to how you feel......no one but you know what you have been through. It is a graced person that is perfect and has never had any weight or metal struggles with themselves .....God has blessed them. The rest of use struggle with the ups and downs.
Jenn I have had two very unhappy years since my surgery with a few different injuries..have gained weight and am physically limited by my feet..am hoping for some relief soon so I can at least exercise with weights......I digress.....
2016 will be better and we will gain our mojo again!!!
We've got this! Gayle
Love you, Gayle - and I am so sorry to hear that you have not recovered the way we both hoped you would. You are an amazing beautiful woman and I know 2016 will be better for both of us!!!
Deletelove your unicorn pooping rainbow! I love your blog cause it's real. if things were always perfect, I would think you're full of it cause I don't believe for one second that maintenance is easy all of the time for anyone! focus on your accomplishments and be proud of yourself.
ReplyDelete:-)
Just found your blog and this post was as if i had written it myself. I'm in a deep dark cynical hopeless hole and I'm scared and frustrated.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry you are feeling this way - I know how badly it sucks! It's a new year and new starts are definitely possible - let's get through this!!
DeleteJen