Lead me not….

Today I returned to work with the steely resolve to do better - to stay on plan - as much as I possibly can - especially leading into Thanksgiving and then the month of December - which is the month from hell and heaven for a fat girl!

I was busy for the first part of the morning and about 10AM I went back to a common area to refill my water bottle. And there is sat. Like a demon sent from hell to taunt me. Yes, it was [insert screaming] a box full of DUNKIN’ DONUTS.

Well FUCK ME!

I had 2 simultaneous fantasies.

Fantasy #1: This is the fantasy I really wanted to happen. That fantasy was that I took 4 of those donuts back to my desk and enjoyed the HELL out of eating them. AND not only did I not feel even a BIT of guilt, but through my superior metabolism, I ate those donuts and they had absolutely ZERO EFFECT on my weight. I simply did 10 jumping jacks and those calories burned right off!

Yeah, right. Well we all know THAT fantasy didn’t happen.

Fantasy #2: I had NO DESIRE to even look in the box. You see, I really am not tempted by donuts. No, I am a fit and healthy woman who LOVES salads and lean meats, and since I know that these donuts are horrible for my body, the thought of eating one actually made me feel ill. So I filled my water and carried on with my day as happy as can be.

Yeah, right. We also know THAT fantasy didn’t happen, either.

No instead it played out like this: I peeked in the box. I saw that there were 2 Boston Creme donuts in there. MY FAVORITE. I stared longingly and wished I could have one. Then I went back to my office where I obsessed about the donuts in the other room.

I’m pretty sure I heard one of them somehow access the PA system - “Jen, come EAT ME. I am SOOOO good! You can run at lunch and work me off! I’m just sitting here, waiting for you!” I think that was real...

And so throughout the morning I had to refill my water a couple of times. I went back once and an attorney was scarfing down one the Boston Cremes. That FUCKER! I then had another small fantasy of kicking him repeatedly in the head.

Each time I went back, I had to check on the donut status. Each time I opened the box, donut smell came out, causing me to gain about 3/4 of a pound each time.

And then I went out and ran during lunch. And I told myself maybe, just maybe, I would be allowed to have ½ of a donut if I ran 3 miles - and when I got to 3, it became 4 and then 5.

Coming back in, I resolutely avoided that room and ate my healthy lunch. Until I had to fill my water. And son of a BITCH, there were still a couple of donuts left.

Like any sane person, I returned to my desk and while on hold for an important phone call, I checked the Dunkin website to see how many calories those fried, chocolate covered gremlins had.

300.

Sigh....

I’m home now, safely away from those donuts. I have to say that this never ending ritual of mind games in my head is either pathetic or funny or both. I guess it depends on the day.