Friday, August 16, 2013

Betrayed by your own body....

Just about everyone out there has experienced this, I imagine.  Being betrayed be their own body.  I experienced this on the way down the scale.  You all know what it is like - being PERFECTLY on plan - eating right, exercising and day after day after day, the scale. won't. budge.

It is incredibly frustrating.  I am going through this right now - not in weight loss but my body betraying me.  I dealt last winter with my IT Band acting up.  And then that resolved.  But this nasty Achilles Tendonitis just won't go away.  But I feel like I've been managing it while still trying to make sure I'm in shape for the 1/2 marathon in (gulp!) 2 weeks.

So yesterday, I headed out for my run and not only was the Achilles screaming, but the knee on my other frigging leg started to bother me!!  What the fuck??!!!  OMG I am so upset.

So today I brought my running gear to work but all morning the knee and Achilles were achy.  Not bad, but I was fearful what would happen if I tried to run.  So when Marc - who was in the area running some errands and taking his father to the doctor's - asked if I wanted to join them in a local park for lunch I said yes.

Speaking of Marc's father, he is betrayed by his body as well.  I noticed at the party and then again today how truly SHARP he is for 95 years old!  Like most old people, he has his quirks and can be stubborn and irrational.  But cognitively he is really on the ball!!

But he has a bad hip.  A really bad hip.  And at his age, there ain't NO doctor out there who is going to put him under and do major surgery - he likely would never recover from that.  So it's sad to see this man who has been so active his whole life and who still has a ton of energy and is so "with it"  - he can hardly walk.  And you can tell he is in pain but tries to either not let it bother him, or not let us see it, or both.

Anyway, so intellectually I KNOW that I need to rest my body.  But it's just not in me any more - rest = evil/fat/lazy in my mind.  Plus my thinking is totally irrational - it's like there is a part of me who is bound and determined that I can force my body to get with the program if I just ignore the pain.  So I come back from having lunch with Marc and Dad and spend the afternoon feeling sick to my stomach and panicky and riddled with guilt for not running over lunch.

Which meant that the minute I got home I threw the collars on the dogs and took them on a 6 mile walk.

Sigh....  No lectures please!!