Who am I?

As I was running today my mind was pretty full.  Not sure what made me so reflective, but now that I'm able to run without concentrating on, you know, not dying, I am a little on auto-pilot and it gives me a chance to clear my head.  It was a good thing because I was in a MISERABLE mood this morning.

Anyway, I was thinking that part of me still feels overweight.  I see the number on the scale and it doesn't always register that this is me - I weigh 117 pounds.  Then at times I feel the exact opposite.  I feel like I've always been this size and I can barely remember the days when I was obese.

It's very weird, I know.  I was then thinking this "Am I a person that was born to be fat and is just thin for now, or was I meant to be a thin person and I just spent too long being fat?"  Every day that I hop on the scale and see my weight where I want it, my confidence grows that I can do this forever.  I'm been maintaining for about 3 months.  But then I get scared when I read statistics of how many people gain the weight back.  I've ONLY been in maintenence 3 months!  I worry sometimes of slipping and keeping the slip going.  I don't want that to happen.

I feel good most days in my body - I still sometimes go to lift up my fat/skin when I'm in the shower and then remember that it's not there anymore.  I still am shocked some times how physically fit I've become and how things are not as hard as they used to be.  The disgusting hanging skin on my thighs and the scar that goes all the way around my body is a constant reminder of what I did to myself, and I still get down on myself because of it.  I try not to live with regrets, but some days are easier then others.

So who am I?  Sometimes we see what we need to see and I ran across this quote today:

That's what I did.  I didn't discover some magical potion that let me make major life changes and find the real me.  Instead I worked and worked and worked until I created who I want to be - and I'm still working on creating myself.

So to everyone out there - create yourself.  Destiny is what you make it.  We all have our challenges, but forget genetics, forget what you have going against you, forget who you were and concentrate on creating who you want to be.  The power lies within you, not within some magical and fictional place.  You're not a runner?  Start running.  You've always been fat?  Create a thin you!  You are unhappy with something?  Change it.  Embrace the challenge and the journey and get there. 

The sky is falling!

Yay!  As we speak, the contractors are putting the cabinets back up in the kitchen.  This means that they'll finally be out from all the areas of the house and that we'll actually have a stove to use tonight!  Oh, I am so happy!

Of course with this huge storm coming our way, we'll probably just get our stove back and then lose power and not be able to use it anyway!  Let's hope not.

I'm refusing to get caught up in the hysteria about the storm.  For those of you that live right in the storm's path, of course, things are different and it looks like things could get bad.  I hope everyone is taking precautions to keep yourself and your loved ones safe!  But for those of us that are getting the residuals, I don't think we need to get all up panicky about it. 

I ran at lunch today, and it was an AWESOME run - I was flying!  6 miles in 47:31!  Apparently running to beat a storm does a body good.  At the end of the run, the wind just started to pick up here.  So here it comes people - batten down the hatches! 



Calling a TIME OUT!

What a week!  And not in a good way!  This kitchen renovation is so stressful and the cost keeps adding up due to the problems we found when we uncovered the walls.  It's going to be a lot more then we bargained for.  AND THE HITS JUST KEEP ON COMING!  Friday I went out and something on my tire caught my eye - I could actually see the BELTS showing through my tire!  NOT GOOD.  So when I got home, Marc looked over my tires and the two front ones are completely shot to the point that it is dangerous to drive on them and the backs really should be replaced.  After multiple phone calls to at least 7-8 places, the cheapest I can get 4 tires replaced on my vehicle is $500!!  But this is a safety issue, there is no getting around having them done.

Friday I came home and the contractor was not ready for us to paint.  So we instead picked up some needed supplies and I began priming the kitchen late.  I went to bed late and exhausted and then got up yesterday morning at 6:45 AM to run a charity 10K I signed up for weeks ago.  I then came home and we literally painted all day.  I was beyond exhausted when I went to bed last night.  

I also have been trying so hard to eat right without a stove and my weight was up like 3 pounds yesterday.  I can totally see how mental relapses happen.  I was sitting on the couch last night, feeling sorry myself and I said to myself that all my efforts are for nothing, my body wants to be fat, I'm just going to eat my way into oblivion.

Fortunately, I slept very late this morning.  And when I got on the scale, it was back to 117.  Whew - must have been water weight yesterday from working new muscles while painting.  So I feel refreshed and in a better space mentally.  I'm still really upset about the money I have been spending, but I'm trying to remind myself that it is only money and that the kitchen is going to look great when it's finally pieced back together.

Today I need to paint a second coat on the kitchen, but then my plan is to RELAX and watch some football.  I rarely have had a day to just relax lately, and I'm hoping for a good one today!

Get a grip!

After a couple of great weeks feeling really good, I had a really, really bad day yesterday.  We are in the process of re-doing our kitchen.  For those of you who don't know, we live in a really old house - built in the late 1700's.  Our kitchen was revamped - we think - in the early 1960's.  We've known that there was no insulation behind the walls.  So I finally bit the bullet and hired someone to replace all the framing and insulation and drywall.  So needless to say it's a huge expense that's not even a FUN expense, because it's mostly structural, not cosmetic.

Anyway, when we took down the drywall on the one wall, it was COMPLETELY dryrotted.  Some of the main structural beams could have collapsed at any time.  So it's good that we found this out, but it's quickly adding more money to an already extremely expensive project.  

Obviously, we are living without a kitchen - trying to wash dishes in a small bathroom sink - cabinets are all over the house.  I'm still trying to eat healthy.  Marc and I are sniping at each other, bad, since we are both stressed out.  It sucks.

Then yesterday I was totally and completely screwed over by a co-worker.  She is a complete bitch who doesn't like me anyway.  I had agreed to help out with our company Xmas party just the day before and then she bones me yesterday.  So I wrote her an e-mail saying that I was withdrawing my offer of helping out for the Xmas party because I wasn't sure I would be attending after realizing how I was not valued or respected as a co-worker and/or person.  

The more I thought about it, the madder I got.  By the time I got home, I was just FUMING.  So the contractor then has to show me more things that problematic in the kitchen.  Then I tell Marc about the incident and work, and he gave me NO SUPPORT at all.  That was the straw that broke the camel's back.  I wanted to scream and cry and hit things at the same time.

To top it off, with all of this going on, we worked out late, which meant eating late, which meant that I was STARVING and I scarfed down dinner and then literally felt like I could not stop eating.  I just kept stuffing things into my mouth.  It wasn't a binge, because we are talking MAYBE 100-150 calories - but it was the FEELINGS that went with it that sucked so bad. 

I'm hoping for a better day today, but I don't think this issue between myself and the co-worker is going to be solved - at least not in the near future.  And then I'm worried about all that has to be done in the kitchen.  I hate being under stress, but I know I need to get a grip....

I'm trying, Catherine, HONEST.

Be unique, be special, be YOU!!

Have I ever told you how I feel about poetry?  I hate it.  I definitely don't have the soul of a poet within me.  I don't get poetry and I don't like it - with a couple of minor exceptions.  One of those exceptions is the poem "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost.  I have always loved this poem - especially the last part:



For my whole life I have been greatly criticized for not "going with the flow".  I've been told that I am opinionated, obstinate, argumentative, etc.  I have a personality that people either love or hate.  I don't pretend to be someone that I'm not, and I don't pretend to feel what I don't to pacify people.  And some people don't like me for that.

Did people see me as the "angry fat chick"?  I don't know.  Dropping weight has had some effect on my personality, but I still am who I am.  And guess what - I'm totally cool with that!!

I would encourage everyone out there to be yourself.  If you are a "people pleaser" who sacrifices your happiness constantly for others, STOP IT!  Do you pretend to feel a certain way because you think that's how you "should" feel or "should behave"?  THAT STOPS NOW!

Or maybe you are the opposite - maybe you come across as bitter or angry as a defense.  And maybe you don't like that about yourself.  CHANGE IT.  Practice being nicer.  Stop putting up walls to keep people out. 

Embrace your real you in this journey.  Life is not a dress rehearsal.  I have too many regrets about starting my journey late, and I refuse to have any more.  If you do this, you WILL piss people off.  You might even lose a friend.  But anyone who abandons you when you embrace who you really are is not worth your friendship, anyway!

Make a difference in your own life.  Travel your own path.  Be amazing!  Set YOUR goals, not the goals of others or what society wants.  Don't get skinny if you don't want to - some people prefer to be a little "fluffy" or "curvy".  If that's what YOU want, then that's totally okay!! 

Break out of the mold, stop being a victim of your own self-imposed limitations.  CHOOSE THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED.   Start today.  You will be surprised at the difference it makes in how you feel and how successful you are in your journey.

Check!

It seems only fitting that in a week that I've been talking about goal setting that I hit one of my goals yesterday.  I remember when I first was running outside last summer.  It was so hard.  I remember the first time I ran 3 miles straight without a walk break.  I couldn't imagine that I could ever go much further then that.  But then, I did.

Yesterday I ran 13.1 miles.  Yes, that is the length of a 1/2 marathon.  I was so excited to hit that goal.  I was doing pretty well until mile 11.  I climbed a steep hill and then just hit the wall.  It just so happens that I was passing by my road about this time, and I really wanted to quit, but I forced myself to run more.  At mile 12 I stopped and drank some water.  My hips and calves were burning - I didn't think that I could get started again, but I did.  That last mile sucked.  I kept repeating this to myself:

Then it was over and I had done it!  Another check mark on my list of goals!

If you have a goal, find the inner strength to make it happen.  I am not any more determined or powerful or special then anyone who is reading this.  We all have it within us to make our goals.  It might not be pretty or perfect and it might not happen as fast or easy as we want it to, but we have the power to make it happen.  I know that this is true because I have done what many people - including myself - thought was IMPOSSIBLE.

Throw away that voice inside that tells you to give up.  Ignore people that satisfy themselves by bringing other people down.  If you want it, you and you alone have the power to make it happen.  

Not go and DO IT!

Listening to your body.

First off, how is everyone doing on their goals?  I hope that you are taking my advice to set goals daily and do your best to attain them.  This goal setting can be used for both weight loss issues as well as just other life issues!  Morning is a PERFECT time to review yesterday's goals - did you meet them?  If not, WHY?  And how can you meet them today.  Now make a list of what you want to accomplish today.  Trust me, it helps get you organized and focused.

Ok, today I want to talk about listening to your body.  As I've said many times before, now that I'm in maintenance, I don't want to have to go through life counting calories and analyzing everything I eat.  I realize that this works well for some people, and that's great.  But for me,  I want to have a more flexible and normal life. 

Here's what it comes down to - our bodies tell us the TRUTH.  It is our minds that are LIARS.  So the huge challenge for me is to differentiate who is "talking" to me on any given day. 

Let's take cravings for example.  Yesterday morning of all times, I woke up and was craving Ketchup.  Yup, ketchup!  So when I ate my fried eggs I put some ketchup over them.  As I analyzed what my body was trying to tell me my guess is that my salt level was low.  As a runner, I need more salt and I probably didn't have enough so I was craving it.  Indulging in this craving was a no-brainer - very few calories and it satisfied what my body wanted.

Now, that was a real craving direct from my body.  Now on the other hand, if you pass a box of donuts and see and smell them and then you want a donut, that is most likely you mind telling you that you have to have a sweet empty calorie indulgence.  Your body rarely craves something that is so useless nutrition wise.

I also need to listen to my body when it comes to being hungry.  Some days I will be STARVING for seemingly no reason.  I have to stop for a minute and see what is going on.  If I'm bored, or stressed out, or tired or pissed off, chances are that it's my mind telling me to eat to feel better.  However, if I'm in a good place emotionally, then there is a good chance that it is my body telling me that I need more fuel. 

Going to bed starving is not a sign of victory.  It is a sign that something is wrong with your plan.  Letting yourself get to a point where you could eat your arm off is unhealthy and puts you at risk of a binge or eating the wrong thing for a quick rush.  Try to see food as FUEL for the body. 

My biggest challenge in listening to my body is when to stop eating.  I don't seem to have an off switch.  That's one of the reasons I weighed 344 pounds.  But your body DOES know when it is full and will tell you to stop.  Some of the ways that I have tackled this problem is slowing down.  I now focus when I am eating.  I actually watch the clock and my goal is to eat my dinner in no less then 20 minutes.  Why 20 minutes?  This is what experts say is the time needed for the sensation of food in the belly to get to the brain.  In my previous life, I powered down my food, swallowing large chunks and not even focusing on enjoying the meal.  Not any more!

I make sure that I chew my food thoroughly.  I don't put anything in my mouth until the previous bite was swallowed.  I take short "time outs" while eating, like physically putting my fork down and doing something else for a few seconds.  This has helped me get to the point where my body can tell me whether I need more to eat or not.  Plus, I actually enjoy the food more!

I think - I hope - that with more practice this will get easier, and will become second nature. 

And this listening to your body thing?  It also works for things like exercise and sleep.  You feel too worn out to exercise?  Is that your BODY telling you that, or is it your lazy mind?  You feel exhausted?  Does your body need rest or does your mind want to escape something?  Stop, take a minute and listen.

Cathe Friedrich Crossfire review

Here's another review of a DVD that I did for the first time yesterday:

Cathe Friedrich's Cross Fire

This is an intense cardio workout.  She does use weights in it and it claims to have weight training, but really the weights just add "toughness" to the cardio part of the workout.  There are a lot of body weight exercises, specifically to work your lower body.  I consider myself in really good shape, and from my running, my legs are quite muscular, but my calves were aching today!

All in all this is a great video.  One thing that I really like about her is that she takes you through a long warm up and long cool down at the end - much like Tony Horton does in his P90X series.  Too many of these workout videos skimp both on the warmup and the cool down. 

For this video, it recommends using 5 different weights (3 lb. pair, 5 lb. pair, 8 lb. pair, 10 lb. pair and one 15 lb weight).  Since all I have here at work is 5 pounders, that's what I used for everything.  I didn't need lighter, but could have used heavier for some of the workout.  It also recommends and uses a "fire walker band".  This is basically a round resistance loop.  You can buy her set of 3 on Amazon for about $12.  I bought a generic one for $5 on Amazon.  They look like this:

You do need one of these if you're going to do this DVD.   It also recommends these "slide n' glide discs".  They are used for only one exercise and I used styrafoam plates and they worked perfect.

This is definitely not a workout for beginners, although you can really modify some of the moves to make them easier.  There is a lot of jumping and higher impact exercises that may bother you if you have bad knees. 

The main workout runs about 50-55 minutes.  There is a bonus core section that I have not done yet. 

Cathe is excellent as an instructor.  She is encouraging but not patronizing.  She is easy to listen to and the instructions are good.  There is a great soundtrack that plays using popular music (although with different singer and lyrics) to keep you motivated and your energy up. 

The DVD starts out pretty easy, but gets your heart rate up.  You then put on that fire walker loop and WOW - your legs start to BURN!  You then move into the "meat" of the video, a whole intense cardio section.  It ends with a plyometrics tabata to kill you off! 

You will definitely burn calories during this workout, and I recommend it if you are someone like me who likes variety in their workouts!

Defining goals...

Why do you want to lose weight?  Before you give me the "DUH!" answer, stop and think about the question for a minute.  What are your goals? 

Too often it's easy to get caught up in the wrong space mentally and to forget what your goals are.  I have been guilty of this many, many times in my journey, and I think that I am just now starting to "get it".  I think that when you are in the midst of trying so hard to make this life altering change, it's easy to get caught up in NUMBERS and to forget what your real goals are.

You are not a number!  So, again, what is your goal?  Shouldn't a goal be something more substantial then a number?  After being caught up for far too long in NUMBERS, I am now thinking that there is more to life then that!  After all, who wants to thin but MISERABLE?

So rather then, for example, saying that you MUST get down to 125 pounds, what other goals, both long and short term can you have?

For me, my main goal is to be HAPPY and HEALTHY.  This morning I weighed in at 118.7.  That's up from the 117.9 I weighed at the same time yesterday morning.  Am I less happy or less healthy today then I was yesterday?  Um... NOPE!  Could I live a happy and healthy life if I even gained a couple of pounds from where I am now?  Um.... YUP!

So there is a fine balance between striving to meet a weight loss goal and being realistic and not getting discouraged when things don't exactly go perfectly.  It is not an excuse to get lazy in your efforts, but it is permission to cut yourself some slack!

I think I've mentioned before that I really broke my journey into short term, rather then long term goals.  When you weigh over 300 pounds, having a goal to weigh 120 is incredibly overwheming.  So I set short term goals and the long term goals took care of themselves!

So, what are some short term goals?  When you get up in the morning you can list some short term goals - if you are a list maker like me, you'll stay goal focused and it feels so good to cross out that list at the end of the day!

How about an example?  Some of my goals for today are:

1) Eat a healthy breakfast

2) Organize my paperwork at work for tomorrow's meeting.

3) Do a workout DVD at noon.

4) Do not eat the Halloween candy (that my co-workers have on their desks)

5) 45 mintes of weight lifting when I get home.

6) Make a healthy dinner.

7) Clean the master bathroom

8) Tell Marc that I love him.

9) Get everything ready for tomorrow before I go to bed (clothes, workout bag, dinner)

For some of you out there the stakes are higher - you may have goals of getting your blood sugar down or your cholesterol in the normal range.  One of your goals may be to get to the point where you can play outside with your child without getting winded.  So, begin incorporating the short term goals and the long term goals with follow.  For example, if your goal is to lower your cholesterol, if each day you have a short term goal of eating healthy meals and exercising for 30 minutes daily, that long term goal will most likely have been achieved the next time you see your doctor!

I hope for everyone your main goal is to be happy - please keep that in mind with every single choice you make - and be good to yourself.  Ask yourself whether fighting with your spouse or child over something like a wet towel on the floor is worth it today.  Ask yourself whether eating 3 donuts is getting you to where you want to be in life.  Slow down, think things through, remember your goals but also LIVE A LITTLE. 

This is what I'm working on, how about you?

It's cold and I'm hungry!

As if it weren't hard enough to lose weight, here comes the cold.  Ever notice that you want to eat more when it starts to get cold outside? 

For those of you who aren't aware, this is basic biology.  Our bodies are telling us that we NEED to bulk up and increase our fat stores for the winter.  This, of course, goes back to our evolutionary history when we didn't have nice thermostats on our walls we could just crank.

For me, I also have a mild case of SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder).  I'm guessing many of you out there do, too.  As there becomes less light in the day, we start to get depressed and lethargic.  I'm starting to notice this as I have less motivation to work out or to even do everyday activities.  It's always worse for me in the October/November time frame.

One thing that carbs do is to temporarily boost Serotonin - the feel good chemical in the brain.  AND this is often what we crave in general to increase our fat in the winter.  AND this group of foods is my drug of choice!  There's nothing I love more then breads. 

Today I ate lunch out with my mother and grandmother at Panera Bread.  I had a 1/2 greek salad, a cup of broccoli soup, and a french baguette on the side.  BY FAR the best part of the meal for me was the baguette!   I seriously could have eaten 4-5 more pieces, easy.  (I didn't, don't worry)

So, what is the solution?  First, get your exercise!  As a runner, I need a lot of carbs, anyway, for fuel as this is what the body goes to to burn first and most effectively during intense workouts.  Do a lot of cardio and you can have some carbs without feeling guilty!  Secondly, complex carbs are good for you!  Lean towards complex rather then simple carbs.  Beans, sweet potatoes, real whole grain bread, oatmeal, apples, raisins - they are all good complex carbs and rather then giving you a short burst of energy (like simple carbs) and then leaving you craving more, they will fill you up and hopefully satisfy your cravings.

Get a hold of this if you intend to lose weight during the holidays, because, kids, it only is going to get harder from here to the New Year!!!!!!! 

Flexibility...

No, no not THAT kind of flexibility!  I'm talking about the flexibility that allows you to adapt and cope when things are not going exactly as planned.

I've always had a problem with this.  I am a total type A personality and am not flexible when it comes to things like a change of plans.  I really admire people that are the "go with the flow" type people and can quickly wrap their head around change and just go with it.  Since I've lost all this weight, I think I've become way more rigid, and I've made a commitment that this is an issue I'm going to work on!

Let me give you an example - on Wednesday I was very flattered to be asked to go out to lunch with my friend, Sue, as a VIP was coming up to meet with her about work related issues and she thought that I would have good input.  I had planned on doing a DVD workout at lunch that day.  So when I got to work, since it was going to be a business type lunch, I thought that I would take some time early, do the workout and then head to lunch.  But, I got too busy.  No problem, I thought, I will be back in time from lunch to go the workout before heading to the dietician appointment.

The lunch ended up starting later then planned and we got to talking and I got back way to late to do the workout before leaving for my appointment.  Rather then just taking it in stride I was filled with anxiety and regret because this meant that I would only do 1 workout that day instead of 2.  I did go home and lift weights, but I still felt guilty and uneasy.

This is related, I think, to obsessive-compulsive behavior and it is totally unhealthy.  I have very all or nothing thinking.  Either something is all good or it's terrible.  If I eat 1 cookie, I have destroyed everything that I have worked for and, in turn, it reflects that I am a terrible person.  Somehow my worth as a human has become tied to my weight.  My worth USED to be tied to my intelligence when I was fat.  Now it's tied to my weight.

I posted about this in a weight loss site that I am on (www.3fatchicks.com/forum) in a section for those of us who have lost weight and are now maintaining.  I was pretty relieved to know that I'm not the only one that has these feelings.  Interestingly enough, I don't project these feelings onto other people.  If other people slip up or don't follow the plan exactly, I'm still supportive of them and don't judge them.  But for myself?  Not so much.

I also realize that this is a self-esteem issue.  A lot of people see me as very confident and self-assured.  Let me tell you, it's all a front.  I look in the mirror DAILY and see a very unattractive woman who is not deserving of good things happening  in her life. 

When I was fat, I always assumed that IF I ever lost weight that it would solely be a physical transformation and that it would not effect me emotionally/mentally.  DAMN was I WRONG! 

So starting today, right this minute, I am going to start making a conscious effort to:

1) Value myself more

2) Be more flexible

3) Give myself allowances to make mistakes without then berating myself

4) Have more FUN in life

Who identifies with this and is in with me??

Dietician visit...

I had my visit with the dietician today.  Once today got here, I was somewhat reluctant to go, because I was thinking that there was likely nothing that she was going to tell me that I didn't already know.  When the dietician came out and led me into her room my heart sank - she had all these plastic foods laid out and measuring cups.  I thought that this was going to be a lecture on portion size and calories.

Fortunately I was proved totally wrong.  She introduced herself and she is a Registered Dietician and, as an added bonus, is a runner and so she was totally on board with what I wanted to talk about.  She opened the floor to me and I started asking questions about my ideal weight and my embarrassing questions about my bowel issues.

I was totally comfortable talking to her, which was great.  She spent a full hour talking me about every question and issues I am having.

First off, she said my weight is absolutely perfect.   She said that I absolutely should not go below 115 pounds.  If I wanted to, she said that 125 as a high would be fine, too, but that a top limit of 120 - which is my goal - is perfect.

We spent a long time talking about the exercising I am doing.  She said that I am cold all the time because I have extremely low body fat.  She believes that I have an ideal balance of cardio and strength training and explained why both are SO important in weight loss and maintenance.  But she also feels that I totally underestimate how intensive my exercise routine is.  She said that running 6 miles is quite a long run and it does take a toll on the body and that certainly running 10-12 miles on the weekend is extremely taxing.

Which leads to the next issue -  calories.  She had me go through my typical day of food.  She said that I am not eating enough at all.  She did a bunch of calculations and told me that I should be eating 1700 calories per day AT A MINIMUM.  On the days I exercise - which I do daily - I should be at 2200.  She also wants me to focus on a larger carb intake on my run days and more protein on my weight lifting days.  I have been doing this to some extent but she said I should be focusing more on this.

I expressed some doubt on the calorie intake.  She said that since I'm new to maintenance I might not have seen the effects, but I will if I keep under-eating.  She feels that I am risking injury.  Also she said that  if I eat more, I will have more energy and can work harder in my workouts and will burn more calories.  That was interesting to me...

Finally the BM issue...first we looked at things that normally work.  From diet, to exercise, to drinking coffee, etc., I am doing everything right!  Damn!!  She said that over the past 2 years my body has been through tremendous changes.  Not just in terms of the actual weight loss, but the restructuring of muscle and fat.  So it is hard to determine what the cause or the solution will be.  If I eat more calories there will be more in there to push through.  Also, she feels that my fiber intake is too low and gave me some ideas on upping my fiber.  I need to do some trial and error.

All on all, I felt it was worth my time and I did learn some things.  As I reflected tonight I realized that as in denial about how fat I was in my past, I have total denial now about how thin I am now. I see myself not as FAT anymore, but as high normal.  I also don't see my exercise routine as that intensive.  But she talked to me quite passionately about what is happening to my body with my routine, and while it is good and healthy, how crucial it is for me to fuel my body to keep it strong, healthy and injury-free.

So, I have a lot to think about...

Let's pick some apples...

  Not much to talk about today.  I am feeling great, and I hope everyone else out there is, too.  I weighed in at 116 on Saturday and was at 117 yesterday and today.  I ran 12 miles yesterday and was sore at the end of the run, but not today.  I feel really strong and healthy.

On the agenda for the Columbus Day is to take Marc's father out to lunch and then apple picking.  For those of you who don't know, Marc's dad is 94 years old.  He loves eating out and we don't spend nearly enough time with him.  Marc sees him daily, but in this busy life, it's difficult to find time to take him out for the day.

We are going to Ponderosa, and a few months ago, this would have caused me anxiety.  But not today.  I'll eat a little more then I should, but between the run yesterday and my experience with the vacation to PA, I know that as long as eating too much is a once and a while thing, rather then a daily thing, I'll drop right back down.  

I have that meeting with the nutritionist this week.  I'm not so sure that I need this appointment, but since insurance pays, why not see what she has to say?

Hope everyone who has a long weekend is enjoying it, and if I have any Canadian readers out there, Happy Thanksgiving!

A crazy (but good) week!

What a crazy week this has been!  I've been trying to catch up on work from being on vacation!  I have been SWAMPED all week!  Between that and going to the doctor's on Tuesday and having a hair cut appointment yesterday, I just need a couple more hours in the day to get caught up!

I ran in my new Bikilas yesterday and today and I'm happy to report that they felt great!!  For those of you that aren't runners, it might seem a small or silly thing to be excited over a pair of kicks.  But when you run several miles at a time, having shoes that feel good is CRUCIAL.  So yay!

I have consistantly weighed in at 119 pounds all this week.  It's up just a smidge from where I'd like to be, but I am starting to find that I can eat things and not constantly count the calories.  It is a balancing act.  Like yesterday there were some YUMMY looking peanut butter granola bars in our team meeting that were calling my name.  I took a quick look and they were 190 calories.  OOPS - nope, not an option.  But then later in the day, my co-worker had these parmesan pretzel things, and I had a couple without freaking out about how many calories I ingested.  It's a pretty good feeling to be able to relax a little. 

I hope that everyone who is reading this can take heart in the fact that while your in the midst of your weight lost journey it can feel like this is something that is forever and it can get tedious and discouraging.  But take it from me - I'm never going to have a completely normal relationship with food.  So I will have to watch and monitor myself.  BUT I am already - a short 3 months into maintenance - finding that I can relax a little.  I don't think that I'm getting cocky or over-confident.  I'm just living a real life!

This is the HUGE advantage - in my opinion - of having lost weight by making small changes and not following some fad diet.  Now that I'm here, I just need to keep doing what I've been doing.  It is a realistic and sustainable lifestyle.  What is that phrase?  "Dance with the one that brung ya"?



24 week follow up...

It is so hard to believe that 24 weeks ago today I was having my surgery done!  How is it possible that a person's life can change so much in a short 6 months?!  I went to see Dr. DeRoberts yesterday for the 6 month follow up.  He said that everything looks great!  I am completely back to normal activity.  I asked about the skin being really tight when I do yoga and he said not to be afraid of just stretching it.  It will stretch out to a normal state eventually. 

He asked about how the belly button was doing compared to last time.  The injection he gave last time did help it settle in a little bit.  So he injected it once again with Kenalog.  That may help it "sink in" a little more, but pretty much we are where we are.  SO, I asked him about getting my belly button pierced and he said "Sure - if you want to, go for it!"  He doesn't recommend doing it for at least 6 weeks, so I have 6 weeks to decide if I want to have it done or not.  If anyone reading this has their belly button pierced tell me about it!  Not just the experience of having it pierced (because, lucky me, I have no feeling there right now) but do you like having a pierced belly button?  Does it get in the way of clothing?  Please fill me in!!

He lasered the incision again, and he lasered by birthmark which has faded, but was still pretty red.  He was really thorough this time and so I again look like I have a horrible disease or crappy ass tattoo  LOL. 

I am doing so well that he does not need to see me for another 6 months.  While we were waiting for the machine to warm up that removes the birthmark, I was looking at the pictures he took when I was in there in March.  Holy crap.  I can't believe I carried that huge amount of skin and fat around.  I am getting used to seeing a completely flat stomach when I look down.  Seeing the close up in 8x10 glory - wow....  Despite the expense - which still sucks - it was totally and completely worth it!

After the appointment, Marc and I went over to Fleet Feet and I bought a new pair of running shoes.  I love my Fila Skeletoes, but they were not made for running and are lasting only a short time before completely falling apartment.  I ended up getting some Vibram Bikilas LS shoes.  I will run in them for the first time tomorrow and I am - because I am a DORK - excited and nervous. 

Here's a pic of the shoes:



Pretty sexy, right?  Seriously, now that I'm running more miles per week, I need something that will hold up, and these were recommended by other runners on runnersworld.com, so I really hope they work for me!

Finally, I want to give a shout out to my friend PEG who is doing AWESOME in the weight loss department and is going to be entering ONEDERLAND very, very soon!  I am so proud of you Peg - keep up the good work!!

Fall is here!

Wow, I can't believe that it is October!  Fall is definitely a rough time when it comes to losing and maintaining weight, don't you think?  I mean, fall is usually a time for cuddling up with a blanket, curling up on the sofa, watching a good movie, and drinking hot chocolate....  And, just when you're in that groove, the holidays hit and - oh mercy!

Ok, well, let me not get ahead of myself.  Like I've said before, this is a journey of 1,000 steps made one day at a time.  So all we have to worry about is making the right choices TODAY!  That means getting out in the crisp fall air and taking the dogs for a walk.  Or going to pick apples.  Or other things that won't sabotage your weight loss!

I have been 119 pounds the last 2 days, so I'm pretty happy that my vacation - that involved a few over-indulgences - had very little effect on my overall weight.  Like people say - weight loss happens in the kitchen, not in the gym.  BUT, when you go for a 15 mile hike, or run 10 miles, like I did, you can overindulge on occasion and not have it totally throw you off.

So for some news - believe it or not, tomorrow marks 24 weeks since I had my circumferential abdominoplasty.  I can't believe that it has been almost 6 months!!  I feel almost back to normal.  However, I still swell when working out, and the incision feels like a tight rubber band when that happens - it's a constant reminder.  I also noticed when doing yoga the other day, that some moves are still impossible because my skin just pulls TIGHT and won't stretch.  But other then that, I feel great.  

I have a follow up with Dr. DeRoberts today, so I'll report tomorrow how that appointment went, and if he has anything to say about where I stand 6 months out.  I don't expect anything surprising.  I am hoping he'll do another laser treatment on my birthmark, because it is definitely faded from the first treatment, but it's not gone.  

Happy October everyone!