Monday, September 10, 2012

Rethinking goals and happiness....

Most of you know that I am a substance abuse counselor. My clients and I are always talking about how when you go to AA or NA meetings and you are struggling, there tends to be a topic that you need to hear.  It's really funny how that works. 

I find myself in that position today, and these messages that we need to hear often come from the weirdest places!  Mine came from the Extra Sugar-Free Gum website today!!  The title of the article I read from that site is "Rethinking Your Weight Goal" and can be seen here:

Why is this a message I needed to hear today?  Well last week I was pretty down because after hitting my lowest weight of 118, I bounced back to 121.  Last week, no matter how much I exercised or ate right, it stayed there.  And I was pissed.  Several people I talked to said that maybe this is where my body wants to be, and I need to be happy with that.  But I wasn't.  So yesterday I weighed in at 119.1 and today was 119.2, and in my head I was like "HAHA BODY - You ARE going to lose a couple more pounds whether you like it or not!!"

And this morning I was feel just sort of lethargic and tired - probably from stubbornly restricting my calories yesterday.  So I read this article and it talks about finding a place where you can be healthy and happy rather then SKINNY.  This got me thinking about why I want to get down to hovering between 115-119.  I mean, can I be happy and healthy at a weight of 121 rather then 117?  Do I want to be really thin or really happy?  Is the effort I put in to losing a couple of vaniety pounds keeping me from just relaxing and enjoying life?

What this is NOT an excuse for is letting myself slack off on exercise and eating right and gaining a bunch of weight back.  However, it is making me think that maybe I should just chill out and be happy with the weight I have lost and start worrying about feeling good rather then defininng myself by the number on a scale. 

As they do say in AA it's an AFGO moment - Another Fucking Growth Opportunity. 

Today I went out to do my run.  My legs were a little tired and I was thinking I would run 4-5 miles.  But I just relaxed in the cool weather and casually ran.  I felt so good at 5 miles that I went ahead and ran a mile more.  But I did it because I felt good and enjoyed running not because I was demanding that I burn off X amount of calories or was fighting myself!  It felt great!!!

I can't promise I'll feel this way tomorrow, and if my weight is up a little, I might get discouraged and start bitching again.  But for today, I just want to FINALLY - for once in my life - love myself.  I'm not quite there yet, but I'm trying.

So for those of you that are fighting the good fight, remember, you deserve to be healthy and happy!!  So keep striving towards your goals, but also keep in mind that you need to have a life and to NOT define your worth as a person by the number you see on the scale!!

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