Altered state…

On Friday, my co-worker said to me “You must be SO excited!”  “About what?” I asked.  “You are on vacation in a couple hours!!”

And I am happy to be on vacation, but this isn’t exactly what the plan was. 

Chakotay is still acting fine.  But every time he seems remotely not-normal, I over-react.

I had been planning one of the days of vacation to stain the deck which was badly faded, and there is no time like the present. 

A couple before and afters:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It took the two of us almost 6 hours – painting each of the spindle things is not easy!

It was an accomplishment and a welcome distraction. 

Today it was 91 degrees so we hit the beach.  The dogs swam and swam.  They will be exhausted tonight. 

I tried swimming the distance that the triathlon requires in August.  It wasn’t pretty – it has been a long time since I have swam open-water for any distance.  So I may give up on that dream.

Of course, right now I am so off track eating wise and exercise wise, I feel like I don’t know who I am right now.

I need to suck it up and get my shit together.  I KNOW that.  I am wasting time mired not so much in pity, but in fear.  And being self-destructive?  That doesn’t help me, it doesn’t help Chakotay and it doesn’t change the circumstances!

So tomorrow will dawn and I’m going to try to let go of fear and remember the serenity prayer…