Motivation versus commitment

I get asked all the time how I stay motivated to exercise.  I tell people that it's not about motivation - it's about commitment.  I compare it to work.  I have a great job.  I am well paid and work in a comfortable office with lots of freedom to do my own thing.  Not to mention great benefits and a fantastic boss.  BUT - I HATE getting up in the morning to go to work.  I am NEVER motivated to go to work.  If I won the lottery, I would be out of here in a New York minute.  So I am not motivated to go to work, I am COMMITTED to go to work.  Why?  Because there is no other choice!  I can't just decide to not get up and go to work in the mornings.  I look at exercise the same way.  I don't give myself an option.  I work out during my lunch hour because I HAVE to.

There is, believe it or not, a certain freedom in this.  When you have a choice taken away from you and you just do it.  I have never gotten back from a run and thought "Damn, I wish I had never run and burned 500 calories today."  Nope.  I always feel great afterwards.  Or lifting weights - sometimes I hate lifting weights.  But afterwards, when my arms or legs are exhausted, I know that muscle is building.  And when I see myself in a sleeveless shirt and can see real muscle definition even with the loose skin - damn, that looks good!

Maybe someday I'll be the person that itches to go out for a run and get all sweaty and tired or can't wait to get my hands on weights and lift.  I'm not that person today, but I am a COMMITTED person.

Don't wait for your mind to give you the ok.  Our minds tend to talk us out of things, not into them.  Just do it!  I know it sucks.  Eating right and exercising is HARD.  Being fat is HARD.  Choose your HARD. 

8 weeks...

It was 8 weeks ago today that I went in for surgery.  In some ways it feels like ages ago, and in some ways I feel like it just happened.  My incision is pretty flat in most places.  It's not a constant annoyance any more, although I can still really feel it, especially after exercise.

As you can see, my belly button is still jacked up. 

Hopefully he'll be able to make it look better.  If not, I'm considering having it pierced so that the jewelry covers the worst of it.  I won't know anything until my next appointment at the end of July, so for now I have to live with it.

Here's a couple of 8 week pics - as you can see, I am totally not too skinny and can definitely stand to lose at least 5 more pounds...



Ain't that a kick in the head...

Each exercise I do since surgery, I am interested to see if I can tell the difference without the huge flappy stomach.  For example, push-ups.  I can do push-ups much easier now because I don't have the skin and fat that just hung down to the floor. 

Today I did P90X Core Synergistics.  This is a DVD I've done dozens of times.  There are a couple of moves that I was curious to see if I could do better.   Towards the end there is a move called the steam engine.  You put your hands behind your head and do like a standing crunch where you twist your body and bring your right knee to your left elbow and then bring your  left knee to your right elbow.  I never really thought that the extra skin effected that move very much.  However when I got there today and started going really fast, I am so much more flexible and with nothing in the way, I kneed myself in the head - hard!  LOL  And then I did it a couple times more.  Every day is a new adventure for me now!

Ok, it's starting to happen.  Comments are being made to my face and behind my back that I'm losing "too much" weight.  My goal is to lose 5 more pounds and get to 119. That is solidly in the middle of a normal BMI.  I have lots of energy, my skin is healthy and my hair is full and thick.  I eat plenty - in fact, I probably consume more calories a day then most of you reading this.  It's just that when you work out as much as Marc and I do, you can afford some extra calories and still lose weight.  So please, feel free to voice concerns you have (preferably to my face), but don't worry about me.

I also will soon be entering maintenance and will have to start eating more and figuring out how many calories I need.  I want some cushion in case I gain while doing this.  Finally, if I do get "too low" I can always gain weight back.  It's not like if I lose x more pounds they are gone forever!

 Love you all for your concern!
 

A fun evening out!

Tonight we went to a very fancy restaurant with some co-workers/family/friends.  My close friend/co-worker made the arrangements for my birthday.  It was a great time.  I was surprised at how many people showed up.  The food was wonderful - I had a array of seafood.  Even with cake at the end I wasn't up too many calories because seafood has such a low calorie count.  Yes, I am still worrying about calories.  I am trying to start thinking in maintenance mode, but I'm not quite there yet (neither mentally nor in actual weight!).  Anyway, I'm glad I am mostly out of my funk, because most of the cards were making fun of me turning 40!!

I'll show you guys the dress I wore - I was pretty happy with how I looked.  Plus, for those of you who know me, and know what a cheap-skate I am, I got this dress for $6.  Woo hoo!

 

Here's one of Marc and I right before we left.

 People at the party were so complimentary - if you were one of the people there, thanks again so much.  I still have a very hard time taking compliments, but there's a part of me that now thinks people are saying that I look good because there is some truth to it, not just because they feel obligated to make a positive comment.  

All I have to say is that I am a very lucky person and I need to remember this when I get in one of my moods - easier said then done, though!

Well, my birthDAY stretched into a birthWEEK celebration.  Back to reality tomorrow - have to get at least 5 more pounds off.  May try a run longer then 6 miles for the first time since surgery!

Not enough hours in the day!

That's what I'm finding!  Between exercising and all I have to do, I just run out of time to get stuff done!  I make a list in my head every night of things I have to do and most of it I just run out of time and it continues on my list.  This healthier lifestyle does have it's drawbacks!

The good news today is that I appear to be coming out of my "I'm getting old" funk.  Thanks to everyone for your support.  Even if you are like Kris who commented that I look like I'm in my 20's.  Not quite, but I thank you for lying to me!  

For my birthday I bought myself a new, more sophisticated, GPS enabled heart rate monitor.  I used it for the first time today and ran 6 miles in 54:49.  I am running a 10K (6.2 miles) in September, and my goal is to finish in under 54 minutes.  That's a lot of time to take off between now and September, but I'm getting faster and stronger everyday, so maybe.  It's a goal anyway!

In surgery recovery notes, I'm still swelling quite a bit every time I exercise.  The incision is very tight when that happens.  I still can feel the incision all the time - it continues to feel like I'm wearing a rubber band.  But it's not painful, just annoying at times.  Next week I will be 8 weeks out and I'll post some updated pics for anyone who is interested. 

I'd like to lose at least 5 more pounds but I'll be interested to hear what you guys say about how much I should lose.  More?  Less?  Wait until you see the pics and you can let me know.

I'm 40 - WAHHHHH!

Well, I made it through the day yesterday - but I'm sorry, Deva -I'm still on the pity pot!  What everyone is saying to me is absolutely true - I'm in the best shape of my life, financially I'm doing well, I have a great home, great job, great husband, great dogs AND I STILL FEEL SORRY FOR MYSELF.  It's not something I can control, guys.  I'm just in a terrible funk and it will take a while for me to get out of it.  

My co-worker arranged for a celebration dinner at a fancy restaurant this Saturday.  I'm hoping for a good turnout and hopefully will be out of my funk and can have a good time.  I have a dress that I bought that I have to say - it looks fantastic on me!   (That sounds so conceited, doesn't it??)  

Anyway, I'm getting back to the routine of exercising twice per day.  I tried Jillian Michael's Ripped in 30 at lunch today - it's a pretty good workout and I did start with Level 1.  I won't be doing that DVD daily like she wants you to, but it's definitely going in my rotation of things I do.  

If and when mother nature stops being such a bitch and turns up the heat, that will help my mood, too! 

The good, the bad and the ugly...

I'll start with the bad.  I haven't been posting here because I am deeply and profoundly depressed about turning 40 tomorrow.  I mean, I am seriously messed up over it.  I feel like there is a black cloud just sitting over me.  I can't concentrate, I'm not sleeping right, I cried all the way home yesterday.  I know that with the surgery I have a new lease on life and I keep trying to tell myself this, but myself is not listening.  I have a TON of regrets about waiting until so late in my life to start getting healthy that I feel that it's almost too late for me.  This is probably compounded by the fact that my father died so young - at age 42.  I hope I get out of this funk, because I am absolutely miserable.

Ok, we can move on to better news.  I ran 5 miles on Thursday and 5.25 on Friday during my lunch hour.  Both days were about 65-70 degrees and Friday there was a light drizzle.  I have taken a turn in my running.  Both days I felt relaxed and calm and getting those miles in was actually easy.  Normally I have to push myself and convince myself to keep running, and then I feel good when it's over.  Both days I felt great DURING the run.  I've been running outside just over a year.

In another piece of good news, my flexibility is coming back.  I did P90X Stretch yesterday and I'm close to being back where I was pre-surgery.  And obviously, without the huge belly roll, I'm going to end up even more flexible on some of the moves.  Right now the hardest stretches are the ones where I reach over my head because the skin is still trying to stretch out from where it was pulled together.  It's uncomfortable, but it needs to be stretched anyway.

I'm really trying to get myself back on track, but I am not in a good space right now.

I am down another pound which puts me at a total of 220 pounds lost.