What is this self-control you speak of?

Oh boy, where to start? When I started this blog back in 2012, it was primarily to document my upcoming skin removal surgery. I thought that maybe it might be useful for someone who was thinking of undergoing that surgery to follow a “real world” documentation.

Then it morphed into something else. It became more than just my surgery. It became about the success and struggles of someone who lost a lot of weight in keeping it off and making healthy choices.

In a million years I truly never thought that anyone would really give a shit about what I thought or did. I certainly never imagined that anyone would see me as an “inspiration”. I never thought anyone would actually be rooting for me when I struggled. And I never conceived that people would send me hate mail over my posts.

After all, it’s not exactly a controversial blog! I mean, I have given my views at times om other than weight issues, but largely have stayed away from issues like abortion and politics and gun control and the death penalty and religion and all those things that get people super wound up.

And now, as I’ve mentioned lately, I feel like I don’t have much to offer anyone. I mean, how many times can you read about me bitching, complaining and throwing a pity party for myself for being so fat and not want to punch me in the face when I admit that I’ve stuffed my face? Seriously.

I spent the weekend doing just that. This weekend was the 2^nd “Global 5K” sponsored by Runkeeper where you could walk or run 5K any time during the weekend knowing that there were others out there - in different places around the world - running their own 5K.

We’ve had a heat wave here and Marc has been wanting to try running on the beach. We should have known that where we headed off to would be PACKED. So we walked only a short distance before heading back and instead went to the local park. It was so hot and humid that running only 5K was like torture for me. But we finished and Marc took a pic to send to social media. I looked at the pic and was absolutely HORRIFIED by how fat I looked.

So, logically, I ate myself silly. In what universe does a SANE person do that?

The weekend wasn’t a total bust, though. Getting out of my head and trying to take a more sane approach to exercise is proving difficult for me, mentally. I spent HOURS this weekend weeding flower beds, planting and decorating. I didn’t lift weights - but I did lift and haul 50 pound bags of soil repeatedly. I washed and detailed both the inside and outside of my vehicle which was a DISASTER from the winter. We took the dogs to the beach and played. And we wedged in a 43 mile bike ride.

So those things are good. But any amount of sanity I have is NOT translating to my eating.

And - guess what? My birthday is this week. So I’ve been getting e-mails with food deals as a “gift” to me. Of COURSE I don’t HAVE to take advantage of any of these offers. But I WANT to! So far I’ve been offered deals or freebies at:

Friendly’s

Ruby Tuesdays

Ponderosa

Starbucks

Dunkin Donuts

Texas Roadhouse

Auntie Anne’s

Uno’s Pizza

Olive Garden

If I had any self-control, I wouldn’t take advantage of any of these offers. But we all know how it is going to turn out...