Time in a bottle…

Time is a precious commodity. One that I feel I never have enough of. Between all that I have to/want to do, I sometimes feel like there is no possible way to fit everything in. So not surprisingly I hate wasting time.

I try not to dwell too much on my past but I have a lot of regrets about not putting in the effort to lose weight years ago.

I think of spending all of my 20's and most of my 30's being morbidly obese and all the time spent wasted because I was too heavy to accomplish certain things. I didn’t have the energy or the ability. Oh, the things I could have done if I weighed less!!

I have not been weighing myself. Between the stress of Chakotay being sick all summer and my general lack of self control and dwindling of motivation to consistently get in productive workouts, I have been convinced that I’ve gained a ton of weight. Trying on clothes has reinforced that fact.

This morning I was standing naked in front of the shower, waiting for the water to get warm enough for me to step in and I saw in the large mirror we have over our sink a side profile. While I certainly didn’t start dancing with delight, I thought that maybe I didn’t look all that much bigger than I did earlier this year.

So I impulsively went over and took the scale off of its perch and set it on the floor and glared at it. And then I stepped on.

Remember back in April when I visited the MD and was distraught over the number it showed? Well, the scale showed me that this morning I was exactly .5 pounds lighter than that day.

Ok, so I don’t like that number. I want to weigh many pounds less. BUT - when I think of all the time I wasted this summer and continue to waste stressing about food and exercise and how I look and how much of a hot mess I am - and basically I am the same as I was 6 months ago. Not the ideal, but worth the amount of mental head banging, hand wringing, and generalized anxiety/guilt that I have imposed on myself?? I gotta say no.

So here’s the bad news - for me and for you if you are trying to lose weight - a recent study shows that today - September 30^th - is the lightest we will weigh all year. Yes, beginning October 1^st, statistically we steadily start to pork up. That continues through the first part of January. And while most of us will lose that weight that we put on, it takes until JUNE to lose it and then it is a short summer before we repeat the cycle.

So, I have a lot of weight to lose while staring statistics in the face. And yet, if I can maintain this weight - well, it wouldn’t be the end of the world, right? None of us have to aim for our weights to fall at the bottom end of the BMI scale.

I have to weigh - no pun intended - the stress of being many pounds over what I believe I should ideally weigh with the stress of constantly thinking about and worrying about what I weigh and what I look like.

Do any of you have a goal weight that is over what the “ideal” range is??