1 month in…

We’re one month into the year.  Where do you stand?  Remember on January 1st??   Do you remember saying to yourself “THIS IS IT!  This year I’m going to do it!!”  Did you?

For me, this month was a mixed bag.  I count some victories and some failures.

I HATE January.  It’s been miserably cold and snowy here, and I’m so fed up!!

In the good column, I feel like I’m doing very well on the fitness end.  I’m getting my groove back running.  Runkeeper tells me that between running, biking, walking and elliptical, I traveled 211.6 miles this month.  That is in addition to everything else I’ve done.

Marc convinced me to try a new set of fitness DVD’s that he’s been doing – Les Mills Body Combat.  We did “Upper Body Blowout” this morning.  I am aching tonight, and I can only imagine what tomorrow will feel like!!

Now, on the weight side?  Not a complete failure but not a success, either.

Weight: 131.3.  A measly 1 pound lighter from January 1st.

And measurements?  Holding steady at being porky!

February is a lot more fun for me and fun can equal trouble.  Starting tomorrow with the Superbowl.

So I’ll keep at it, and hopefully will drop to a more reasonable weight if and when the weather starts to give a little!!

Trying to end well!

As this week ends and we are about to say goodbye to January, I'm in pretty good spirits after some rough patches this month.

When I weighed in on January 1st I was pretty horrified with myself.  And February 1 is not going to be much better.  But I am choosing - for today anyway - to celebrate some minor victories.

Late yesterday my boss came in to do an annual evaluation.  It's a pretty routine thing.  But she let me know that she had been contacted to get her approval for the powers that be to give me a special assignment.  I went to a training on a new computer thing a few months ago and apparently the trainers were so impressed with me that they want to use me to do a beta test on the new software and then use me to train other people.  It feels good to be recognized and to know that I stand a bit above the crowd in something.

Last night I had a hair appointment and got home late.  Marc was in the basement riding the exercise bike.  I really didn't want to change my clothes and immediately head down to start running on the treadmill, but I convinced myself to.  At that point I had run 28 miles this week and I told myself that even if I only did 2 miles, that would mean a 30 mile week.  Something that hasn't happened in months and a couple months ago I was afraid would never happen again!

I ran a slow and patient 5 miles and was pretty happy with that.

I am really trying to find some balance and remembering what all this is about.

The weather is still just killing me - it has been day after day after day of freezing cold temps, and there is no light at the end of that tunnel.  The darkness keeps threatening to overtake my mind.  So I am focusing on taking things one day at a time and trying to claim victories where I can.

It's working today...

Holier than thou…

Do you guys know anyone with this attitude?  Part of my journey has been about trying my hardest to be a more compassionate and understanding person.  To be less judgey about other people’s choices.  Trust me, I don’t always get there!  But it’s an ongoing effort.

Recently I had a friend of mine who was up on his high horse about how running on a treadmill isn’t really running.  That you have to be out there – in the cold, pounding the pavement to be a “real” runner.

That’s not the first time I’ve encountered that attitude.  I even believed it.  Just a year ago I found myself running outside in the teens – freezing my fucking ass off and dodging ice patches.  I came into the building where I work and had to ask a security guy to open a door for me because despite heavy gloves I couldn’t move my fingers.  It took about 30 minutes for the feeling to come back.

But I had in my mind that I had to do this. 

Not anymore. 

I have run 117.6 miles so far this year.  And every single one of them has been on the treadmill.  So does that make me a “fake” runner?

That same friend, who told me that my treadmill miles didn’t count, also chose to scrutinize what I was eating last week when we were at a conference.

“You’re going to have to run 30 miles on your treadmill to burn that off!” he said staring at my plate.  “Why don’t you not worry about what I am eating and how far I’m going to run?” I said back to him.

I don’t get why some people feel the need to sit on their high horse and judge how other people eat and exercise.

Now taking someone to the side and having a frank discussion out of concern for something like an eating disorder is different.  OR if you make a pact with a friend and ask that he or she tell you when you are veering off course – that’s totally different.

As you all know, I am struggling with my weight right now.  But I am trying.  And how I chose to go about it?  I would think that people would support ANY effort someone makes to get healthy instead of judging them.  

And I’m going to remind myself of that the next time I get an attitude towards someone and how they are choosing to run their lives!

It is just so easy!

I'm guessing it's because I'm increasing my running miles again after not running a lot for a while now.  So far this month I've run 110 miles.  Consequently I have been STARVING the last 2 days.  I mean like ready to gnaw my own arm off hungry.

So as I sat in my office today just wallowing in self-pity for being ravenously hungry after standing on the scale this morning and seeing that I am still 15 pounds overweight - I thought about a coworker that  has it so fricking easy.  She eats whatever she wants - and not healthy things either - and doesn't gain an ounce.  I was silently swearing at her in my mind.

I began stewing in complete envy.

And then I wondered if there is anyone out there who thinks I have it easy.  I wonder if there's anyone in my world that when I refuse the offer of donuts at a morning meeting thinks that it is easy for me to do it.  Or hears that I ran on the treadmill and is jealous of my "dedication".

I wonder if this imaginary person would be surprised if they knew what a mental struggle it is.  And I wonder if this person that I am so jealous of - is it really as easy for her as it looks?

The part of me that is a good person hopes that it is for their sake.  But the nasty evil bitch inside me hopes that it isn't.  That someone else experiences the struggle when to the outside world it looks so simple....

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Cheating...

In addiction recovery, they say that the true test of person's recovery is doing the right thing when no one is looking.

Next week is the Superbowl, and unless you've been living under rock, you know all about the deflated ball scandal (#deflategate).  It makes me so disgusted that the scumbag Patriots obviously cheated.

It has ruined the Superbowl for me.  Marc is not a football fan, but he always joins me in front of the tv and uses his laptop and watches the commercials.  I look forward to it every year, but this year?  I don't even know if I want to watch.

The only game I play on Facebook it Words With Friends, and it's so obvious when people use cheater software - what' the point??  I mean there's not even money at stake!!

And then today I was running on the treadmill and I found myself just sick of it at 12 miles.  My goal was 13.  The thought actually crossed my tiny brain to quit and that I would tell everyone I had done 13.  Who would know, right?

How stupid is that?  No one is forcing me to run.  No one is monitoring my miles except me!  And the thought of cheating still crossed my mind!  

I kept running and did a full 1/2 marathon of 13.1 miles.  

I could have cheated - as I always can with food and exercise.

But the only one I would kidding is myself.  And integrity?  It matters.

Review: Panera Broth Bowl

Panera Bread – one of my absolutely favorite places to eat – has introduced a new group of meals to their menu.  They are called broth bowls.

Being the slightly (cough) OCD person that I am, before I decided to try it, I had to do some research.  Apparently broth bowls are very popular in the Asian culture – particularly Japan.  They are much thicker then soup – the broth is there to keep things moist.

Broth bowls are traditionally served with a large spoon and to noisily and obnoxiously SLURP while you eat them is considered a compliment.

Panera has 4 new broth bowls:  Soba Noodle with Chicken, Soba Noodle with Edamame, Lentil Quinoa with Chicken or Lentil Quinoa with Egg.  The range in calories from 370-410,

I had never eaten a Soba noodle in my life, so, of course, I had to look that up too!  They are made mostly with buckwheat and have relatively comparable nutrition to pasta.

Since we eat lentils and quinoa all the time, I decided to live life on the edge and ordered the Soba Noodle with Chicken. 

This is what the plate looked like when it was served:

As you can see, it’s not the consistency of soup.  In additional to the soba noodles and chicken, it has spinach, mushrooms, cabbage and a variety of spices.

I spread it out using my extra large spoon.

There is a generous portion of chicken and a ton of noodles.  A nice amount of spinach perfectly wilted, and some crunchy cabbage blend was also there.  The mushrooms tasted completely fresh and were delicious, but they were few and far between.

Since I am a complete wuss, and noticing some of the spices like paprika and red chili powder, I asked the woman who took my order if the bowl was at all spicy and she assured me that it was not.  However, for me?  It did have a bit of a kick to it.

The broth was extremely tasty and hearty and I felt it had the exact right amount.

The soba noodles were a challenge to eat with the spoon.  I am wondering if the Japanese use chopsticks for it – I would guess so.

But how were they?  OH MY DELICIOUS!!  They were MUCH chewier and had a more dry and nutty taste than pasta.  I instantly liked the texture and taste much better than, say, spaghetti. 

I paired mine with the French baguette (don’t judge me!!) instead of the (healthier) choice of an apple or the (unhealthier) choice of potato chips.

I found it very filling and was not at all hungry for the rest of the afternoon.  This might be because the dish has the wonderful number of 31 grams of protein!!

So, all in all, I loved it.  I will definitely be trying the lentil dish, although I loved the soba noodles so much, it’s going to be a challenge to get me away from those!  I’m going to try finding them locally or on Amazon to make at home.

The downside of all the broth bowls?  They are ridiculously high in sodium.  I don’t have to worry about that, but I know a lot of people do.

4 1/2 out of 5 stars for me!!