Thursday, March 15, 2018

Some sort of miracle...

Yesterday a co-worker was celebrating her birthday and as I walked throught the office she offered me a piece of the cake another co-worker had made for her.  The  sheet cake was covered by aluminum foil so I couldn't see what kind it was.

I automatically declined and thanked her, but because I just love to torture myself I aked her what kind it was.  I should have known, since she is as obsessed as I am, and she gave me a little smile and said "peanut butter!"  I made some sort of statement about it killing me and moved on.  But as I went about my business and came back through, she had sliced off a piece for someone and it sat there taunting me.

Seeing me look at it, my friend offered to cut me a "very small" piece.  I again declined and ran back to my office to hide before my self-control abandoned ship.

Now I'm not going to blow smoke up anyone's ass here - I wanted a piece of cake.  But in something that was nothing short of a miracle I was ok not having a piece.  It didn't turn into a THING.

This is what usually happens under these circumstances.  I would go back to my office and obsessively think about the free delicious cake in the other room.  I would try to rationalize why it would be ok to eat it.  I would do some calorie math in my head.  I would be angry at myself and feel sorry for myself.

Then I would either cave and eat a piece - which then would lead to guilt and shame, or I wouldn't eat a piece and be all pity party about it.  

Instead I just kind of went on with my life like a normal human.  It sounds crazy to equate this to being a miracle, but really it kind of is!! As pathetic as it may sound.

I'd like to believe this is a sign of a healthier and more normal relationship with food, but I'm inclined to believe I just got lucky(?) that circumstances made me feel that way at that moment in time.

So help me, though, if I stand on the scale tommorow morning and haven't dropped.....

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